Pain, loss, grief: they are all a part of the human experience. I've always said that without them, there would be no true joy or happiness, no appreciation of the positive. That having only one constant emotion would be monotonous, and that eventually it would be as depressing as any temporary sadness we feel, except for the unending continuity of it. I imagine that there would be an extremely high suicide rate; the knowledge of the lack of highs would overwhelm the absence of lows. We would simply trudge on with no expectation of improvement.
But I would welcome the absence of lows right now.
J told me today that he'd learned that it is possible to be happy and sad at the same time. I told him that I hoped his happies were outnumbering his sads. I wish mine were too. I'm not generally an unhappy person. I don't like being who I am right now.
I know that as time goes by, it will change, it will be easier or less oppressive or whatever it is that you want to call it. But 'now' is where I am, and I'm tired of being unhappy, tired of crying over everything and nothing.