Sunday, May 7, 2006

Musical stalker

I'm like a child when it comes to music. I don't care what you call the style, don't really care who sings it, will sing my own version of the lyrics if I'm unsure of the correct ones, and dance to it like I've never danced before (which is pretty much what it looks like anytime I dance...)

Unless of course, I've developed a teenage crush on it. Then I'll obsess about it, be able to tell you not only the CD name, artist name, and genre, but its birthday, its favorite color, and what kind of car it drives - its parents' names and its home address, as well. I will call it in the middle of the night, refuse to speak, and sit in the dark listening to it breathe, just for the sake of saying I've heard it. In that case, I will most likely have looked up the lyrics and studied them, while playing the song, so as to insure that I sing it exactly as it was written.

Regardless, if I'm listening to music, it's music I enjoy, because of whatever emotional reaction it causes in me.

Right now, I'm listening to Train, Drops of Jupiter - and yes, I've studied the lyrics of every song on the CD, the title track in particular. It was sort of my theme song after Alexis died and at first I used it to torture myself. After a while I'd be able to listen to it without completely falling apart, but it has managed to hold that emotional power over me for nearly 5 years now.

The celestial theme of it doesn't seem to fit with Alexis since Nova's death, but doesn't work for him either, because on some weird mental level, it's used up for me.

Tonight, the music has lost its grip. Guess I'm over the self-destructive infatuation I had with it.


  1. Krisstanamus11:48 AM

    In My opinion, Sometimes "music" is enough to keep the heart from dying and the soul from leaving. I have my "hold on to's" (the ones that keep me going daily), Then an occasional song that feeds my need....

  2. Mine has been, Mike and the Mechanics, In the Living Years.