Thursday, May 4, 2006


I've been here before. It all seems so damned familiar, you'd think it would make it easier, having done it before... It isn't easier, just... fuck, I don't know if there is a word for it, but easier isn't it.

The last couple of days have just been those days - the ones that I struggle through, wrestle with the simple things, get overwhelmed by anything more than drinking coffee and staring at nothing. Last night' dinner dishes didn't get done until this afternoon, and they only got done then because Ma did them. I did finally manage to get the bags unpacked from our beach trip - that was an awful lot like work, and I had to force myself to do it - and all the clothes were clean, folded, and separated. I can barely remember to take care of myself, let alone my kids, my husband, my other obligations.

I have appointments to schedule (and attend) phone calls to make, a freakin email newsletter to write up and get out, paperwork to do. The phone keeps ringing, teachers, customers, bill collectors...

I just want to crawl into a hole. Pretend the world stopped turning. All so familiar, and yet, no easier.


  1. wil go on, not matter how you feel because you have to. Remember, hon, we believe in you. Erin..let go and let God and if you need a little more of a nudge...I'm here. Love you

  2. Of course I will Mary... because it doesn't stop, not for me, it just keeps going - but sometimes, I don't want to. I'm sick to death of "have to."

  3. yup...I hear ya. It bites and I am with you on this one on SO many different levels. It's amazing all of the BS people have to go through and MOM in general. I can see why so many do such horrible random things, but then, there are those (I like to think that we are part of this group) that, no matter how shitty the situation, still try to keep the peace. *sigh* You know that when the "have to's" run you into the ground I'll be here to listen. You can talk my ear off and I won't say a word unless it's sarcastic and uncalled for! LOL I love you E. My next trip to the east coast will be to visit you specifically! I gotta start planning now. :-) I hope the thunder storm is a good one. Usually the storms that rage outside are the ones that calm the storms within (oohh....I'm so deep! HA!!)