Friday, July 27, 2012

Also, I may suck as a manager

So I have been at a new restaurant in Mint Hill since they opened last September. Over the last 10 months, I've been moved up from waitress, to trainer, and now, part time, to a management position, which I enjoy - most of the time. But I find that, having started there as a waitress, and having been friends with my co-workers, it's difficult to get the level of respect I need from them in order to be effective at my job.

Right now, as things stand, I kind of suck at my job because it's impossible to get them to do what needs to be done (or, more realistically, to get them to NOT do the things they aren't supposed to do) because I'm just Erin, not "The Manager." Making the transition from peer to supervisor is proving harder than I expected, and apparently, it's going to require me being a hard ass bitch a few times.

I'm not going to like it, but I think it's just a necessity. This makes me less than happy, because I don't want to end friendships, but I simply have to redefine some relationships, redraw some lines... or quit.

And that's not an option, because I love my job, and I love my co-workers.

I guess no one ever said anything in life was simple.

I suck as a lesbian.

I wish I wasn't so clueless. I can spot a gay guy from a million miles away - even the ones no one else ever pegs as gay... but with women, my gaydar simply doesn't work, unless it's painfully obvious. A long time ago, in a land far far away, I was utterly in love with a girl I worked with. Gah she was perfect. And she flirted too, always grabbing my ass and shit - one time she even stripped to her bra and panties in front of me (she was changing for a date, with a dude...) - but she also made derogatory comments about what she called "carpet lickers" so how the hell was I supposed to know she swayed that way!?

I never made my  move, and then years later I ran into her at a local restaurant -- with her girlfriend. She gave me her number that day but her girlfriend scared me so I never did call her! Anyway, on a different note, she was murdered a few weeks ago. Murdered. That's still surreal to me. Anyway.

Now there's another girl. Is she for real or just kidding? and does it matter? Would I date her if I knew she was serious? It's been so long I forget how to make love to a woman, and would it be worth my job? I'm her manager. And she's 20 years younger than me. And... well, let's say less mature than I like. Or is she? What the hell do I like!? It's been 15 years since my last girlfriend, I have no idea what I'd like. Other than the obvious, obviously. And how would this all factor into my marriage? Is it worth going there? Scott says he wouldn't care if I had a gf, but would he really not mind? Would there be jealousy and tension? 

I have no idea. And it doesn't matter, because I'm not even sure if she's gay/bi or just fucking around. Because I suck at lesbianism. There ya have it.