I suck as a lesbian.

I wish I wasn't so clueless. I can spot a gay guy from a million miles away - even the ones no one else ever pegs as gay... but with women, my gaydar simply doesn't work, unless it's painfully obvious. A long time ago, in a land far far away, I was utterly in love with a girl I worked with. Gah she was perfect. And she flirted too, always grabbing my ass and shit - one time she even stripped to her bra and panties in front of me (she was changing for a date, with a dude...) - but she also made derogatory comments about what she called "carpet lickers" so how the hell was I supposed to know she swayed that way!?

I never made my  move, and then years later I ran into her at a local restaurant -- with her girlfriend. She gave me her number that day but her girlfriend scared me so I never did call her! Anyway, on a different note, she was murdered a few weeks ago. Murdered. That's still surreal to me. Anyway.

Now there's another girl. Is she for real or just kidding? and does it matter? Would I date her if I knew she was serious? It's been so long I forget how to make love to a woman, and would it be worth my job? I'm her manager. And she's 20 years younger than me. And... well, let's say less mature than I like. Or is she? What the hell do I like!? It's been 15 years since my last girlfriend, I have no idea what I'd like. Other than the obvious, obviously. And how would this all factor into my marriage? Is it worth going there? Scott says he wouldn't care if I had a gf, but would he really not mind? Would there be jealousy and tension? 

I have no idea. And it doesn't matter, because I'm not even sure if she's gay/bi or just fucking around. Because I suck at lesbianism. There ya have it.