Sunday, January 28, 2007

More on Adoption

So I have posted before about the adoption saga that is ongoing in our lives. What I don't think I made clear was that everything possible has been done to deny my son his paternal rights. Granted, we still aren't sure that he's the father, but regardless, she claims he's the father, and yet has done everything in her power to guarantee that he was denied even the option of knowing.

I believe that she's been urged to do so by her mother, and I try to keep in mind that she's 15 and feeling pressured by what her mother and her family want her to do. I try to temper my anger with compassion for the situation that she/they are in.

But I won't deny that I'm angry as hell that she has done what she's done to create the situation. And I'm even angrier with her family for being so unciviliazed and immature in a situation that has such vast consequences for so many people, and in so many ways. I won't even pretend to wish them good things. Good things are not what I've been wishing on them in this last 5 days.

When we met with the adoption agents, we were told, from their standpoint, what they would be doing, how the process works, and what they were willing to do to help. Frankly, it didn't seem like much, and was sparked not by 'doing the right thing' legally, morally, or ethically. It seems to be inspired only for the sake of preserving the appearance of ethical behavior. I don't think they really care that the adoptive parents know the baby's health history. I certainly don't think they're even slightly interested in finding out the truth for Tommy's sake, or even for the sake of making sure the adoption goes through without the possibility of Tommy throwing a wrench in it. It feels to me like, faced with us, they had to take measures to protect the reputation of Christian Adoption Services.

Frankly, right now, I cannot care what their motivation is, no matter what a crazy spin it may send my moral compass into. Right now, I have to do what needs to be done, however it needs to be done, to find out if this is Tommy's child. Period. I don't like admitting that. Honesty is of the utmost importance to me, and this whole thing feels distinctly dishonest.


In the last 5 days, she's given birth, named him Graden, and given him away. The adoption agency became very difficult to contact and did a lot of not-returning-calls. We got information (from other sources) that the original family that was to adopt him had backed out and we were left not knowing anything about why they backed out, or where the baby was (or would go.) And of course, that meant that we were also getting no feedback about whether or not there would be a paternity test.

And then this morning the adoption agency called. And they told us that they were indeed going to do a paternity test, but that we'd have to wait until something like Wednesday. This would be problematic if Tommy had any intention of deciding to keep the baby because his 7 day window would then be irrevocably closed. But he has no such intention, and that's a moot point in reality, but don't think for one minute that I think it's an accident or a coincidence... I believe that it is an intentional, purposeful decision on the part of the adoption agency in order to insure their interest, which is, no matter what, to place this baby with the adoptive family. That knowledge makes me even more distrustful of the agency.

Aside from that, if they hold true to their word, the testing will be done this week. Then there is only a six week wait for the results.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Do you write poetry?

Do you write poetry?

Promise of Light Poetry Magazine is accepting submissions of your (that's right. you) poetry and/or prose.

Promise of Light
Submissions Guidelines

damn it

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Simplicity is Not an Option in my Life

Simplicity is Not an Option in my Life

9 months ago Kory's girlfriend (a 15 year old girl) snuck in Tommy's bedroom window and 'spent the night' with him. The only thing she would say to me the next morning was "I might be pregnant with your grandchild."

Of course she came up pregnant very soon after, and there is some reason to believe that she was already pregnant and looking for a scapegoat... no way to know that yet one way or the other until the baby is born though, so we're operating on the assumption that the baby may very well be his.

The girl's family has refused to talk to us, and insisted that the girl and her sister absolutely not talk to my boys. But through the miracle of teenagerdom, and MySpace, the pregnant girl still occasionally messages the boys. She's very civil to Kory, and nasty as hell to Tommy. Whatever. She's 15, I don't expect a lot from her (and she's proven me right lol) but I would expect more from her family. We shouldn't. Anyway, we got information a couple of weeks ago and apparently, she (and/or her family) have decided to put the baby up for adoption.

This isn't really what Tommy wants to happen. Of course, not even knowing if he actually is the father, he doesn't have a lot of power. It's the way the law is set up... To keep the father as out-of-the-picture as possible so as not to 'screw up' their adoption plans. But he can't afford to raise this baby, and he isn't mature enough to do so even if he had a job or whatever, so he knows that the baby is most likely better off being adopted.

Today, again, thanks to MySpace and the very strange friendship between the mother and my son Kory, we found out that it's a private adoption through a Christian adoption agency. We even know first names of the adoptive parents and their one son, we know why they're adopting, what their educational background is, what line of work they're in, their religious affiliation... We even have pictures of them and their son and their home, from the adoption agency's web page.

With all that said, remember that the mother maintains that Tommy is the father, but has not involved him in any way in the adoption process. She's basically ignoring and trying to circumnavigate his paternal rights. There are laws pertaining to father's rights, and an adoption cannot legally go through without A.) proving paternity and gaining the father's consent for adoption OR B.) Filing the proper court papers to terminate his rights without his knowledge.

This pisses me off in ways I can't even begin to explain.

So, after spending days chasing our tails, making calls and leaving messages and trying to find a way to get a DNA test to prove or disprove paternity (which we started before the new information came to light) we finally know who to contact and how to get this done, to know if it's his or not before the child is adopted.

He doesn't want to stop the adoption or complicate his son's life, he just wants to know if it's his and be listed somewhere so that the son can find him if he chooses to in the future, and of course, he wants to be as involved as they'll allow, and we're hoping they'll allow that...

Now, as much as this is not my issue, my problem to solve, and not about me, I'm going to tell you that this child was (if it's Tommy's) conceived less than a month after Nova died, so there's a certain neurotic connection in my mind between Nova and this baby.

I just lost a son, and it's eating me alive knowing that I may very well be about to lose a grandson too...

Saturday, January 13, 2007

MySpace is strangely addictive

MySpace is strangely addictive

I've had a Myspace account for nearly 2 years now, but I signed up just so I could comment on MySpace blogs. Of course, the damn thing was too complicated for me and I never did anything with it, and never even really used it to comment anywhere.

Then I joined Union and found out that basically every woman in Monroe has a MySpace blog. I resisted, I swear I did. But lately I've spent a lot of time there. It makes me feel old, but strangely connected. Not that that makes any sense really - I was already connected to all the people on my friends list...

Anyway. MySpace has a bad reputation, we all know that. It's either all teenagers, or all child molesters and rapists/murderers, right?

It also happens to be where every family member you haven't spoken to in a million years is, and it is how you can find them or they will find you. Scott has discovered that a bunch of his family members have MySpace accounts. Me? Haven't found a soul, but then, I pretty well burned my bridges along the way, and the only person that might 'find' me wouldn't be one I wanted to deal with anyway.

Christ, I can't keep up with the people in my life (on line and off) right now - like I need people crawling back up out of the muck I call a past. Can you even imagine what I'd do if my ex-husband messaged me!? Good god I'd delete my whole online existence to avoid him!

Anyway, that's just me, and I'm overwhelmed just by keeping up with laundry lately, let alone history. But Scott has had great luck, and he's happy to have found who he's found -and who's found him- because he's better at rolling with the punches than I am.

And you know what? MySpace is like quiz/meme hell. There are bulletins, that are a lot like getting forwarded junkmail, with a gazillion goofy questions to answer, and somehow, you feel like a MySpace Jack Ass if you don't fill out *sigh* And yet, I'm completely addicted.

Go figure.

Want to know my MySpace screen name?
Ugh seriously. AND - I've even figured out how to do the layouts custom ones. I'm thinking that it's sort of like my second childhood or some shit, I dunno.

Sunday, January 7, 2007

Heads Up

Heads Up

Team Nova is up and running (errr walking) again! I'm excited about participating again this year. I just signed up yesterday when I realized that it was open again - the team isn't even completely assembled yet, but I had to sign up and post the address.

I'll make an actual Heart Walk post - like the one that floated for so long last year - but I'm not actually "kicking it off" just yet so don't worry, I won't start hounding you yet lol. I'm not quite ready yet!

Saturday, January 6, 2007

6th Sense

6th Sense

Happy 6th of the month. He's now been gone the same amount of time that I was pregnant with him.

Obsess much Erin? Why yes, thanks for asking.

Wednesday, January 3, 2007

Monroe and Aquatics and Fitness Center

Monroe and Aquatics and Fitness Center

Go ahead, click it - it'll open in a new window. I'll wait.

Now, someone tell me why I'm pissed off about it.

See Monroe Aquatics and Fitness Center is having a New Year's special. $100 off the joining fee. This is the only time we could possibly even consider joining because we will never have $175 to join. So I go to their site today and look at their membership list and rate schedules to do the math and see if the monthly fees would be feasible. On the Family Membership plan, during the special - it would cost us $75 to join, and then $75 a month once you add on the extra kids. Not too bad. But wait, it says "married couple" -I better call and check that out...

So I call, and yes, you must be legally married to join as a family. We, then, must use 2 memberships. Scott would have to join as an Individual and then I could do the Parent/Child plan and then add the extra 3 kids. This, because of the special, actually decreases our joining fee from $75 to $50... but it increases our monthly fee to nearly $100 a month - because we aren't freakin married.

Now there are only so many reasons a place would set the "married couple" rule, and being in Bible Belt, NC, I feel safe in assuming it's a case of mandated morals. Don't want huzzies or heathens hanging out at the pool with their "significant others" now do we - might taint the water, or the kids, or something.

So, I am immediately pissed off, which must have shown because I was put on hold for the Supervisor who eventually came back to the phone, made me explain the situation again and offered this advice: "Just come in, fill out the paperwork, and don't mention the fact that you're unmarried."


OK, first, I don't feel as though I should have to hide or be ashamed of my family or my marital status, and fuck you very much for trying to make me. Second, what kind of hypocritical bunch of assholes is running this place if they require marriage for moral reasons, then recommend dishonesty? (And if you know Erin at all, you know dishonesty is her main pet-peeve anyway!) Third, if I decide to be dishonest by "not mentioning" that we're not married, and anyone questions it, then I'm forced either to lie outright (not an option, if you know Erin at all, you already knew this) or lose the money I've paid in because we all know that these things are non-refundable (also not an option, if you know Erin's wallet, you'll already know this as well.)

Now all that's already plenty to get my panties in a big flaming bunch, ok? And I don't even wear panties so that's pretty damn pissed off. I've already decided that, even if they let us in for free, there's no way in hell this bunch of fucknuts is getting our business. They can take their hypocritical moralistic judgement, and shove it up their collective ass. I have no intention of doing business with a company that operates this way.

But when I share the situation with someone else, she says to me, "...and just think, this is how gay and lesbian couples always get treated..."

Now I hadn't thought of it that way at all up till then. So I get to thinking about this, and like I said to her, I guess, if it were really important to us, Scott and I could get married (not that we'd do it for a fucking gym membership but you know what I mean...) and meet the requirements and avoid paying more for our membership, but a gay or lesbian couple can't ever meet those requirements, not in NC anyway.

So, basically, a gay/lesbian couple doesn't have the option of joining unless they pay double the joining fees and double the monthly fees. Now, isn't that discrimination?

UGH! I am so beyond pissed off right now, and all this happened HOURS ago!

I hope every god blessed kid in Monroe pisses in the MAFC pool tomorrow! Better yet... if only I had a one day pass and a handful of Butterfinger bars!
You Are 5: The Investigator

You're independent - and a logical analytical thinker.

You love learning and ideas... and know things no one else does.

Bored by small talk, you refuse to participate in boring conversations.

You are open minded. A visionary. You understand the world and may change it.

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

Random and Unattributed

Random and Unattributed Quotes

It's know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more.

A sad thing in life is that sometimes you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go.

I've learned that good-byes will always hurt, pictures will never replace having been there, memories good and bad will bring tears, and words can never replace feelings.

Have you seen the moon?

Have you seen the moon?

I don't know why but I'm obsessed with the moon and it's phases, and particularly taken with the full moon. Or maybe I do. I remember when I was about 13, we went to Myrtle Beach and it was the first time I'd ever seen the ocean. (Well that's not quite true. I know at some point when I was very young we went to the Jersey shore with Grammy Marion once. I couldn't have been more than 5, and I don't remember the ocean: just the salt water in my mouth, getting sand in my eyes when we shook out the blanket to leave, and being glad to leave.) I know I've told this story here before... how the moon was full and slung low on the horizon, reflecting on the heaving skin of high tide. I was awestruck. Not just speechless, but so completely enamored that even my mind went blank. I felt, for the first time in my life, as if I was where I belonged. I don't suppose that makes sense at all (as if anything going on in the mind of a 13 year old girl makes sense) but it was almost spiritual to me. The effect has lingered for more than 2 decades.

I've never recovered - never kicked the addiction. I'm a beach lover and a moon worshipper, and unapologetic for both.

So the moon is one of those things I check nightly, like normal people check the weather, or the price of their stocks. Funny thing is, I don't have to look at the moon to know when it's waxing full. I can read the phase with my own moods. For a day or two before the full moon I'm weepy and ill-tempered. For the full moon, I'm ridiculously happy and content.

This month, several things lined up to make for particularly severe mood swings and overall emotional chaos. The full moon starts tomorrow (today now, technically) and I'm looking forward to having a few days of contentedness, with the holidays, the tension, and the PMS behind me. I'm going to bask in it. But then, I always do.

Did you know that this month, we only miss a blue moon by 2 days? A month with 2 full moons. That would be awesome. Can't wait until May.

So, have you seen the moon tonight? I don't know what it's like where you are, but here, it's unbelievably clear, and the moon is just a hair from full, and true to form, I'm feeling content.

Thank you Selene.

Monday, January 1, 2007

Fair Warning HAHA!

Fair Warning HAHA!

It won't be long now and the Kintera site will be back up and running for fundraising toward the 2007 Heart Walk. I figure I won't push it too much so soon. I was so overwhelmed by the response last year that I'm actually afraid to start and find out that I won't come anywhere close to the level of success we hit last September. Of course, if I don't, I'll feel like a failure lol.

Last year, as I thought about this year's walk, I contemplated the concept of having an event to raise money, like a community cook out: free food, games for children, a live band, a silent auction.

I look at the idea now and think, wow, what a huge amount of work and capital outlay. I'm not making any final decisions on that one yet - it intimidates the hell out of me, with all the sponsorship it'd require, and all the permits and insurance and such that I'd have to get. I just have to decide if I feel it would be feasible along with all my regular fundraising stuff, and if I feel it'd bring in enough money to be worth the work. Of course, it would also raise a lot of awareness in my immediate community, so there's that to consider too.

So yeah, I'm brainstorming again. Any and all ideas are welcome (hint hint) I will say that the raffles that I did were not so successful. The one Gretchen had, the yarn raffle? Yeah, that was a smashing success. Maybe I just need to concentrate on what prizes would be most appealing. Maybe I can get Sawyer from LOST to agree to let me raffle off a one night stand, errr... I mean, a date with him?

Well, I have some time to consider all of this I suppose. And a notebook full of ideas I've jotted down over the last 7 months. Just need to sort it all out in my head I guess.


Zilla's Idea..... (found at Cheryl's)

Here are the rules:




1. Yourself: learning
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend (spouse): serendipity
3. Your hair: lifeless
4. Your mother: impossible
5. Your father: absent
6. Your favorite item: memories
7. Your dream last night: kidnap
8. Your favorite drink: Folgers
9. Your dream car: chauffeured
10. The room you are in: dark
11. Your ex: heartless
12. Your fear: unfulfilled
13. What you want to be in 10 years? peace
14. Who you hung out with last night? 'Big Daddy'
15. What you're not? normal
16. Muffins: nope
17. One of your wish list items: Pastels
18. Time: relative
19. The last thing you did: cried
20. What you are wearing: frumpy
21. Your favorite weather: thunder
22. Your favorite book: irreverent
23. The last thing you ate: hors devours
24. Your life: chaos
25. Your mood: swingy
26. Your best friend: compassionate
27. What are you thinking about right now? words
28. Your car: truck
29. What are you doing at the moment? typing
30. Your summer: distant
31. Your relationship status: complete
32. What is on your TV? Discovery
33. What is the weather like? unseasonable
34. When is the last time you laughed? tonight