He looked so good last night, then the phone check this morning was so positive - and the idea of him looking so much stronger and more ready for the possible extubation. I was in such a hugely excellent mood. On the way to the hospital we still didn't know if he'd been extubated. Weird I know, but I purposely didn't call. I had already convinced myself that he wouldn't be off the vent, and I knew I'd be disappointed, and I didn't want to be disappointed over the phone. It's harder to be disappointed when you're there, with him, you know? I don't know, it probably makes no sense.
Anyway, we get to the hospital and had to wait a few minutes for the next visit time to come, and I sat there thinking to myself that I was in such a great mood, so excited - I just KNEW I was setting myself up, and couldn't help it.
I'm seriously at the end of my rope tonight. I've never claimed to be patient, and I don't want to sound as if I'm rushing Nova - Hell, I figure we're asking a hell of a lot from him already, let him do it at his own pace you know? But damn, give me some fucking answers, stop changing everything on me. I can't take all these ups and downs in such quick succession. If it takes another week to extubate him, FINE, but tell me WHY, give me an idea of WHEN.
and the problem with that is that they don't know why or when
It doesn't help to have a smart-ass doctor who doesn't seem willing to part with his info, either. You're his parents, and you deserve full disclosure, whether good, bad, or just a hunch. I would corner that little, (biing tongue) er, doctor and MAKE him answer me. A million and one questions, and have Scotty stand in the doorway until you're done.
ReplyDeleteNothing like a little false-imprisonment to get what you want. :)
Seriously, I really hope that Dr. Watts is able to answer your questions in the morning, and is also able to give you some more solid long-term answers, too.
Love you E
Doctors unfortunately often forget their humanity. They even offer a course at Emery School of Medicine on how to relate to patients. Now just the fact that future doctors need a course on how to relate to people says something about what many of them lose in training for their profession. Not all, though. I've seen many caring ones and I feel lucky to find them. Hoping you learn more soon. The ambiguity sucks.
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