Saturday, March 25, 2006


My mind is roiling right now, slap full of entirely too much negativity that I simply don't have the time or energy to deal with. To be honest, I think that it should be illegal (as Ang says) to kick a person when they're down. I have been knocked down, used, kicked, then used again, kicked some more and then insulted. It makes me absolutely sick. And what's worse is that I expected it. At least I'm not surprised.

It makes me sad though, because every time something like this happens ("Something like what Erin?" you ask. "It doesn't really matter does it? The details are superfluous.") I think to myself, "Self, someday you'll wisen up, realize that people WILL ALWAYS take advantage of you when given the opportunity." And then my self says, "But I don't want to be the bitter mistrusting woman my mother has become!"

You see I tsk-tsk my mother all the time about how she mistrusts everyone. I tell her that she should give people a chance - that she might just be pleasantly surprised. But she swears that she's learned her lesson over the years, she doesn't give anyone the chance to do her wrong, and I just shake my head at how sad it must be to go through life like that.

Hell, maybe she's right. She may be hard, but at least she isn't constantly fucked-over.


  1. Erin some people thrive on other people's misery. Some people actually have so little to do with their own lives, or live such a fucked up version of reality that they can't function without glomming on (if that's even a word) to someone else's misfortune or suffering. These are sad, sad, people. They're the types that eventually go on to be some sort of derranged head case that society shuns. I guarantee that whoever it is, and I have a good idea who it IS, that's screwed you, is so caught up in their own little world of imaginary drama that they don't even realize how stupid and, well, very much like a puckered up asshole they are.

    But I also tend to lean toward the side of trust to a fault. I give people chances over and over again, often putting myself or my own needs or common sense last. I understand not wanting to be the cold, untrusting type. There's a balance between the two somewhere, and, well, if I knew where it was, I'd lead you to it.

    Sorry you've been screwed. If you'd like to, or need to, sling some ugliness around, you know where my inbox is.


  2. God how I'd love to find that balance!
    And I won't sling my crap your way - sounds like traffic alone is enough to glom up your day! lol.

    I was talking to the weekend Patient Rep at the hospital today, she's from Miami.

    I really think (aside from traffic) that I could be pretty damn happy in Florida. It was 80 degrees here last week, this week it seems to be early winter again - cold and damp and all-around nasty. I want SUNSHINE dag nab it.

    I think some sunny warmth would help improve my overall outlook and disposition. Nothing like baring my mid-driff to make me smile ;)

  3. Maybe that's what I need to be happy here... a midriff! :) No, seriously, there are some truly beautiful things here, but it's just not for me. I like cool weather, sweaters, grey cozy days filled with hot coffee and fuzzy blankets, fireplaces, that sort of thing. This sun and sand and traffic and sweat and small clothing- they're for someone else, certainly.

    And well, it IS sunny here today, but it's only 53 degrees, so it's not exactly beach weather.

    Feel free to spout whenever you want.