Thursday, April 21, 2005

Dazed and Confused

Poetry is a strange thing for me. So many writers say that they lose inspiration at times in their lives when they're happy - that they need some sort of negative emotion to draw from in order to be poetic. I find I'm the opposite, that during the worst times in my life, I was so overwhelmed with the ugliness of whatever the situation, that it was impossible to write a poem.

At this point, for reasons I couldn't even explain, I'm miserable. The sun is out the fllowers are blooming, it's warm and sunny and clear, and I don't give a damn. I only go outside when I have no choice, grocery shopping, doctor's appointments, whatever. The other day Trish stopped in and as much as I love her, I just didn't want to deal with her. I don't want to deal with anyone. I'm becoming a hermit, there's nothing out there I want to see or do. Fuck it.

And writing is a chore. Oh I'm writing, a poem a day for the National Poetry Month contest on Moontown Cafe, and about one a week for another challenge oriented thing I'm in right now. Vickie and I throw each other a challenge every once in a while too, and I write for them too. But I haven't just sat down and written for the sake of writing in weeks. There's just nothing there say.

I've been avoiding everyone. Everyone. I'd be more than happy to have no need to speak, I have nothing to say anyway. I've been burying myself in work type stuff - newsletters and mod duties and whatever. . .
it's easier than trying to figure out what this is, I don't want to know what this is, I just want to leave it alone, and basically to be left alone.

How utterly emo.

10 comments:

  1. *poke*

    it's the paparazzi on your front lawn, I told ya, tear gas and nekkid pics of Ma will take care of that.

    *hug*

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  2. I called you and left a dumbass message! Tackle Scotty and steal the cell phone when he gets home. In the mean time, this comment contains 10 kisses. Please use them as you see fit.

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  3. Hi guys. Naked pics huh? depends, of who?
    Erin, I'll take them all in one big ole dose thanks - I need em.

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  4. Of MA!?!?!?! OMG!!!
    *hides her eyes*

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  5. if feelings persist for more than two weeks it may be depression
    otherwise exercise is the best method for mood alteration
    i have been suffering from depression for approx. 3 years
    sometimes it's okay .. sometimes awful...
    not to be a downer .. just the facts, ma'am
    stay well!

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  6. ahw christ! Now I have to EXERCISE?

    I've suspected depression for years now - I'm just too stubborn (or too stupid) to do anything about it.

    Does laundry count as exercise? Please?

    damned endorphines and shit right?

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  7. I know I posted this comment before and it disappeared. Okay, again, I know you don't want to hear this but exercise will help with those couple extra pounds you added when quitting. And no, laundry doesn't count!

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  8. E, Brooksy is right. And as I am currently going through this, I would be more than happy to be your depression buddy - ha ha ha! - if you can draw the line for yourself... I just realized, for me, that it was NOT "normal," and I couldn't make excuses for it anymore. Keep those brave eyes looking toward the blue sky. XOXO

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  9. Exercise and all that fun stuff... yeah, I guess it could help with depression --definitely with any weight you are trying to lose, though I really doubt you've gained too much.

    But, coming from someone who works out at a MINIMUM of 5x per week (not really because I want to)... I dont know about the whole "kicking depression" role that it plays.

    Oh... PS: sorry to intrude on your blog space Erin... yours is just one of the many that I actually read through. And it's like midnight, and I'm bored/tired/wanted something to do so I figured I would put my two cents in where it really doesnt matter.

    Ok, I'm done.

    love ya. *hugs*

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  10. Eve, you aren't intruding at all silly. If I didn't want replies, I'd make it a no-comments-allowed kind of joint.

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