Tuesday, April 12, 2005

3am daydreams and regrets

Daydreams and Regrets

There is nothing to be found
in the fog, even if it is
that which laps at the shoreline
and sags the palm with
the weight of dawn.

We can only see as it is
peeled away by the fire of morning,
boiled back like burning skin
from a rotten carcass.

Where ocean and sand flirt
there will always be beauty
--the scents of salt and gutted fish.


  1. I like this a lot-very atmospheric.

    I think the opening's a bit awkward (the 'if it is' here could be dropped; otherwise it spoils the rightness of "as it is" in S2). In the interests of universality, you could broaden "the fog" to "fog" or "night fog"- turns it intoa proverb "There's nothing to be found in night fog".

    S1 L3-5 seem a bit loosely-worded- could be "laps the shoreline/ sagging the palms with/the weight of dawn"?

    Final thought: S3 L1 and 2 stand alone as a statement; to my mind, L3 provides a down-to-earth riposte to it, and would do somroe forcefully if it started with a "--and".

    Worth thinking about?

  2. Definitely something to consider Martin, thank you! I always thought that line was a bit awkward, trying to emphasize 'is' the way I was - I'll definitely consider how best to fix that ;)