I don't know how women do it. I mean, I'm all for stay at home Moms, being there for the kids and all. But I don't know how people survive doing it long term. I've been at home for a little over a year now, and it's just time to get a job. There's just too much time for me to think when I'm not working, and in the last 2 months it has all become too much. It's like all the thoughts and worries and psychoses take over and I start to cannibalize myself. I chew away at my past and my present and my fears start to overwhelm me and they pile up and pile up until there's nothing left. I'm sinking into some weird self-imposed vortex that sucks out the air and the light and the sound and leaves this frightening, hungry darkness. It's a glutton, and I feed myself to it daily in little spoonfuls.
And the worst part is that I know I'm doing it. It isn't like I'm just off my rocker and being self-destructive without being cognizant of it. So I have a choice, get a job or get a therapist. Considering I need $400 in the next two weeks, I'm thinking the job is just more practical.
Damn I hate starting a new job.