It has been nearly five years since I last stepped into that magical place where sand and ocean meet. I was pregnant with Alexis and I got up at 5am to video tape the sunrise. I sat with a cup of coffee on a wooden bench, smelling life and describing it all to her, waiting to record the birth of the day. It was foggy and the sunrise was grey and slow, lacking the vibrant colors I had hoped for.
Just a few months later I lost her. And I haven't been back since.
I think it's time. There is something almost religious about the ocean for me, something about it that makes me ache with a spiritual fullness, makes me feel alive and in love with the world. Everything makes sense there, everything fits.
I need things to fit, I need to feel full. I want to fall asleep to the sounds of the ocean, and wake up to the smell of it. I want to sit on that bench again, at sunrise, and pretend that Nova's there with me. Just the two of us, watching the sun rise.