Wednesday, November 9, 2005

Maybe not at all

You know, they say that God doesn't give you any more than you can handle. I've never had a lot of faith in that idea. I had an in-depth-up close ultrasound today because they like to really study my babies' hearts since Alexis. They told Scott and I today that this baby appears to have the same defects as she did. Definitely tetralogy of Falot, quite likely Pulmonary Atresia, and VSD (ventricular septal defects)
We're waiting to hear when the appointment is for an even more in-depth ultrasound, 3d I guess, so they can see how bad it is, to see if this baby has any more chance of survival than she did. I'll be delivering in CMC rather than URMC now, because of the NICU and the pediatric cardiac specialists there.

I hadn't had any intention of having them tell me the gender, but with all of this, I figured knowing would be a good thing. It's a boy. Donovan Zane LeClair, presently 5lbs 5oz. They also say the due date seems it might be a little later than they thought before, more like 12/23 than the 15th. He'll definitely have to have open heart surgery, and if he makes it, will be facing a life full of further surgeries as he grows.

I don't know how much I'll be around for a while, maybe more, maybe less, maybe not at all, I don't know. I just don't know if I can do this again.


  1. Words cannot describe how we all will miss you, Erin. In this thing we call life, with Infinite Grace and Wisdom not as some unreachable wielder of fate but as true gifts of character - which we all aspire to - and a little luck nothing's impossible!!!!

    In my prayers,

    yer pal and admirer,


  2. I know it's no help, but my thoughts are with you.


  3. Anonymous2:50 PM

    I'll follow with the same as Martin. You are in my thoughts. I wish you all the best.

  4. I am so sorry that you will be going through this again. My thoughts are definitely with you during this trying time. I think, though, being aware beforehand makes us all prepared for a better outcome. I have to believe that.

    My best to you and yours.

  5. I am so sorry to hear this. You'll definately be in my thoughts and prayers.

  6. I will be praying for you the baby and the rest of your family.
    Be bold, be strong, be U.. and rest in the arms of your heavenly father

  7. Erin, say the word and I'll be on the next plane to NC. I don't know how much help I can be, but I'm willing to do whatever I can.

    Lighting candles for you and your family, and praying for a happier outcome.

    I know that anything said is a waste of words, as nothing is the right thing. But know that you are loved and that you are being sent strength and healing.

    Much much love,


  8. Thank you all.

    I love you, but there's not a thing you could do even if you could afford to fly to NC.

  9. Erin, seriously, if there comes a time when you need an extra pair of hands, or a shoulder, or even just a cup of coffee, it's not all that far. I can be there. Heck, it's only about an 8 or 9 hour drive.

    I know I can't change anything, I can't fix anything. But I can cook, clean, bathe kids, just over-all run things while you focus on the more important stuff.

    Just an offer, if you need it.

  10. Anonymous8:41 AM

    Erin -
    Since our meeting at womensselfesteem I've been following your blog...your family has been in my thoughts through the leukemia/bone marrow trials. Just know that through this you have thoughts and prayers from across the country. You are an unbelievable woman and the world is a better place because of you. I will pray for you, your family and Donovan.


  11. Ang, I'm more likely to want to run away to your house, depending on what happens. I already want to run away... escape seems like a lovely thing, too bad it doesn't work that way.

    Stacy, I had no idea I had regular readers from WSE. Thank you for the support - we'll need it.

  12. Well, if you decide that escape is something you need, you're always welcome at casa de Martinez. I know that there's really no "escape". There are good folks all over the world sending you love right now. Take the time to feel it. And try to stay as positive as you possibly can. Maybe this will have a happy ending.

  13. Erin,

    I struggled to find the right words to say to comfort, but I just don't think they're there. I can't imagine being in this position and I'm so sorry you find yourself there. If there's anything I can do, plese let me know. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  14. Ginger~
    You're right, there aren't 'right' words. Comfort, if there's meant to be any, is still 5/6 weeks away. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers though.