Wednesday, December 7, 2005

12/6 - night shift

Yup, more pics. You can pretty much expect them daily, even when the pics all come out shitty :) And yeah Eve, there's my face, impressive eh? :P I look like I'm sucking on a dill pickle! And yellow isn't exactly my color lol, I wonder if I can request a pastel pink gown? :P

Man the lighting really sucks for photos in a nursery!

These are a few from yesterday and tonight, not great photography, but cute pics anyway. So he's eating again, 20ccs now, and then wants more an hour later. A good appetite is a good sign, and he definitely has that! His O2 Sats are better now than they were on the prostaglandin, and they've removed his umbilical blood pressure monitor and taken him out of minimal stimulation. Basically, they're not doing a thing for him medically other than monitoring his vitals, and he's on an IV o stuff that looks just like milk, which is a supplement of vitamins and stuff because of the erratic feeding pattern they've had him on. It seems to be working... They do his weight in metric measurements, at birth he was 2.78 kg, or 6.13 lbs and tonight he weighed 3.67 kg, which if I'm not mistaken, is over 8lbs. That seems like a huge weight gain in 4 days, especially when he didn't eat for a full day! I'm thinking my math is off to be honest!

His color is beautifully pink, and he's much more awake and alert now that he's off the meds. He had his eyes open a LOT tonight, which hasn't been the norm. He thought his nurse (who went by "Cobra" which is his last name) was insane and kept looking at him like he had 2 heads - it was pretty funny actually. I bought him some socks and a matching hat. They're red with white snowflakes. Tiny tiny little socks, and Nova has BIG feet (it was one of the first things the doctor said when he was born, "Boy he's got big feet!") but the socks are still too big - and the hat!? Good lord, Nova looks like he's doing a great impression of the Pope when he's wearing it - it's HUGE on him.

We were only with him a couple of hours tonight, from 8:30 - 11pm. Scotty had to go back to work this morning after being out since last Friday morning - which limits the available hours to spend up there, then we had to go to the hospital here in Monroe and fill out the paperwork for his birth certificate because we left so quick after he was born that it wasn't ready when we checked out Saturday. Plus, being unmarried means we have to sign affidavits, swearing that Scott is the father. It's ridiculous. Anyway, that means we didn't get home until midnight, and Scott will be up again to work in the morning. I don't know how he does it. I'm very thankful that I don't have a job right now. Nova's situation is already more than I can handle.

There are so many babies in the NICU. So many that are so sick or so tiny, and you can't help but look at them and wonder just what's wrong with them, or how long they've been there, or whether they'll go home or not. The baby on the right of Nova stopped breathing twice while we were there tonight and had to be revived. The baby across from him spent the entire 2 hours getting a blood transfusion, and the baby to his left has constant seizures. That baby's name is Nicholas, and the father seems like a real asshole (sorry, but I overheard him on the phone last night, and if Scott said those things about my child, he wouldn't live long enough to hear the word "divorce"), and the mother saw him for the first time tonight. Their baby is on a respirator, with wires and tubes and IVs everywhere, and she saw him and just fell apart. I can't imagine what a shock it is to see your child for the first time, and it be like that. I just ached for her. They spent about an hour there, behind a privacy screen - and all you could hear was her sobbing. The husband, meanwhile, was oblivious to the wife and just kept saying (in an extremely loud obnoxious voice, just like he did last night) "Hi Nicholas, Hi baby boy!" over and over and over. It even wore on the nurses' nerves. You'd have to have been there to get the picture, trust me, but I just wanted to shake him. The yelling couldn't have been good for the baby, and HAD to have grated on the mother's already raw edges. I pray that Nicholas is OK, that he can go home and be well, but I also pray, for the mother's sake, that the father can find a more gentle compassionate way to deal with his wife and child.

And all in all, it's none of my business, but I swear I just wanted to step into their little area and hug her. To give her something to hold on to. But what would I say? "Everything will be fine" ? I don't even know what's wrong with her son, let alone what's going to happen in the future. I hope she makes use of the Thursday night group therapy/support sessions.

Anyway, I should probably mind my own business and worry about my own mental health and therapeutic needs! Right now, I have a date with a couple of suction cups and then I'm off to bed :) (TMI? Sorry)


  1. that baby is beautiful e

    you do such good work

    thanx for all the love lee photos
    i'm glad you are sharing them with

    take care sweetie / you are definitely
    in my thots / / wish i could give you
    a hug / hold your hand

    & as far as the ass hole / there is no
    safe bastion from the likes of him
    that guy seems to show up every where

    damn him

    just breathe deep / may be give the mother a hug / if she'll take one
    one never really knows these things

    take it easy sweetie pie
    i love you


  2. Erin, he's so big and beautiful! Wow, if he's something like 8 lbs, he's got my son beat! Jonas was almost 8lbs at birth, but then dipped down almost to the 5 lb range due to all of his eating problems. It sucked to sit and watch him sort of shrivel away to nothing and no one else seemed concerened.

    I'm so happy that he's doing so well! I don't think we could have asked for a better situation, knowing that he was facing so much.

    And your compassion towards the other babies in there is heart-breakingly sweet. I can't imagine how hard it is. Especially when your own child is there and thriving, and you have to watch other people go through so much pain and suffering. And I think you would have been justified in punching that asshole right in the gut- Nicholas' dad. I don't know, maybe he's a really nice guy outside of the hospital, and he just can't cope with all the emotions that come with a sick baby.

    But I've rambled enough! Thank you for the updates and the great pictures. You can't be blamed for the lighting in a nursery, can you?

    Love you, E.

  3. Jenn~
    I've been lucky to have not given birth to any ugly babies lol - I blame that on Scott, they all have his eyes - so so blue.

    Oops, I wasn't supposed to say that there IS such a thing as an ugly baby am I?

    Right now, aside from going insane with the waiting, I'm just trying to enjoy him, to love him and hold him and have him as much as I can. There wasn't enough time with Alexis, and I didn't spend enough of what there was with her - I don't want to make that mistake again. We wasted 12 days just being clueless and afraid with her... I don't want to waste or ruin one second of my time with him, so yes, I'm sharing them with you guys, because I want to show off how gorgeous he is.

    Typical Mom huh? ;)

    You're probably right about that guy, just scared and typically male in that emotionally lost way men are so good at. I'm so glad Scott isn't like that though. And as much as he drove me nuts, I kind of felt bad for him too that he's obviously so unable to be/feel what one would think he's really feeling inside. Women have it easier I think. There isn't so much expectation to be strong and endure - we're allowed to fall apart and cry for hours like she did, and men don't think they can.

    Anyway, love you guys... I'm so far behind on housework, I have to go clean SOMETHING!

  4. So much strength, hon. I'm so proud of you and your beautiful little boy is as amazing as ever. Not only will I be praying for you, I'll add a special prayer for Nicholas and his parents, especially that illmannered father of his. Fear does so many strange things to people. We are so blessed that you are sharing your little one with us. *hug* take it slow, E. Love ya.