Sometimes I feel so damn inferior to other bloggers who post about intellectual topics or who have the self-discipline to only blog about one particular subject. I'm so willy- nilly, I'm rarely one to blog anything educational, and most likely, my personal journal style blatherings are pointless and boring to most readers.
Apparently, my frequent posts about the new site were really tiresome because my stats have sucked, even my set bunch of regular readers has begun to dwindle.
Now let's face it, most bloggers want to be read, otherwise, we'd keep our thoughts in our diaries beside the bed - and as much as I do, admittedly, want to be read, I don't have the patience or motivation enough to actually contemplate what I'll be blogging about or to channel it into the correct direction to appeal to the masses.
In other words, I'm too lazy to kiss ass so I suppose I'll deal with a dwindling readership! And here goes another post y'all really won't give a damn about :)
Lately, unlike my usual self, I find that I'm indecisive - very very indecisive, also clingy/needy, unmotivated in most situations, lazy, impatient and irritable as well. Add withdrawn, and sleepy - so very sleepy - until I lay down of course. My eyes burn and I'm beginning to look Asian from the squint thing I've got going on.
The new site is coming along nicely - I've got a list of supporters as far as donations of merchandise, which I have finally gotten completely catalogued in appropriate spreadsheets and backed up on disc. I'm also keeping immaculate records as to donations and expenditures and keeping both electronic and paper copies of all of my receipts.
The other day, of course before the weather cooled down so nicely, I went out to the storage shed (it was nearly 95 degrees and I've never seen so much dirt and dust and cobwebs!) and cleaned and sorted and made space to store all the merchandise and shipping boxes and such. The only thing I (still) need is traffic, and of course there's still paperwork to be done - what a nightmare the paperwork is. But that's another story.
My poetry is suffering from my enthusiasm over the new site, but that will pass.
Between Alexis' birth/death dates, the anniversary of 9/11 and the accompanying TV specials, and the NOLA disaster and those news reports, I've been feeling very negative lately. Absolutely overwhelmed with unpleasantness, except during the times that I'm actually accomplishing something with the P-A site. I am NOT one of those emotional water-works kinds of women, I rarely cry, and only ever with a very valid reason - but not so lately. I try to blame it on hormones, and I don't know if that's true or not. I suppose once the baby is born we'll see. All I know for now is that I cry all the time, and not necessarily for any reason whatsoever. Last night I watched a 9/11 special and bawled, just absolutely bawled through the entire thing, hated that it was affecting me so strongly, and still, I couldn't turn it off. I should have known better than to turn it on.
The beast within is almost assuredly male, reinforcing my desire to refer to it as such. I crave meat - and not any old meat, I want steak, 24/7 - and potatoes and carrots. Very little interest in the munchy stuff like I craved with the other girls - I want FOOD, real live hardy food - like I did with all the boys.