The Heart Walk Kick Off event/meeting for team leaders was this morning. Light breakfast at 7:30 am, followed by speakers and a set program from 8 to 9.
Terra will go to bed in the big bed, she will not stay in the big bed. She's up repeatedly during the night because she wakes up and isn't used to being in there and freaks out. I then have to calm her down, tuck her back in etc...
She was up the last time at 4:55am. I was supposed to be up and in the shower to get ready for the Kick Off by 5:30. Somewhere between 5am and 6:20 (when I actually got up) I had a dream that when I got there, Lauri asked me to get up on stage and talk, tell my story, motivate the crowd etc... I was nervous at first, but once I got started, boy I tore that audience up! I gave a very motivational speech, had them laughing, had them crying, had them eating out of the palm of my hand... Then I woke up.
Obviously I overslept, of course we were late (just a little, missed the first 15 minutes of the "light breakfast" and just had coffee.) But I told Scott about my dream, and he says, "You better hope she asks you to talk, because if she asks me, she can forget it!" (he's PAINFULLY shy) so I tell him how at first I was nervous, but ended up kicking butt. So anyway, I have this strange residual feeling that she's going to ask me to speak, but hey, that's ok, because I've already "rehearsed" right?! (haha)
We walk in and Lauri says, Erin! Scott! I'm SO glad you came! Oh my GOD you cut your HAIR!!!!! (insert small talk and light banter and filling out of name tags, a few introductions, etc...) And she says, "Erin, we've added your story to the line up and what I need you to do is..." (Oh dear GAWD she IS going to ask me to speak!) "...stand up and remain standing while the speaker gives a brief synopsis of your story." (Whew!. We were the last added, therefore the last to be read. The first stories were stories of survivors, each followed by applause. Then us, our story, a public offer of sympathy from the speaker, followed by a long awkward silence. It was pretty weird.
I nearly talked myself out of going to this meeting the other day, because it was so early, then I got the email invite. Then I sort of thought about skipping it again a few days later, then Lauri emailed me to make sure I was coming. Then this morning, when I'd had an hour of sleep and we were going to be late, I damn near backed out again...
I'm SO glad I went! I met someone at the meeting that stands to be the driving force behind some huge steps toward a true CHD support network here in Charlotte area. I'm unbelievably excited about it, and equally as glad to have had the opportunity to meet him and be asked to be a part of his plans.
I just hope that I'm not getting carried away and letting myself get wrapped up in something that doesn't happen. I have a tendency to throw my heart into a thing I can't control, and with as raw as I am lately, I find I get hurt by things that shouldn't. I will hope that I don't allow myself to be heartbroken, that I can remember that I cannot control what does or doesn't happen, and then be thankful for all that already has, and for the love and support that have already been so generously heaped on me.