Cenotaph
I stroke your crumbled bones,
sun baked and weather-worn
in a desert graveyard.
I fondle the ivory relics of your name,
beat them into the earth
with the drums of my feet.
You don't answer.
Have you forgotten, in sewn-eyed darkness,
or do you still whisper,
as I do, in elephant songs?
Poetry
I guess I just don't get the elephant songs. I shouldn't even be commenting tonight since I'm just making a fool of myself...lol
ReplyDeleteErin, this one just about tore my heart out. I can never truly relate to your loss, but this month marks the loss of our first child, and I've been dwelling on it a lot.
ReplyDeleteSure, it's not the same. I never got to hold her the way you did, but I still feel like I'm missing one very large piece of my life.
Thanks for posting this. It's beautifully written, and the elephant song is an angle I never would have imagined taking.
LOL, V~ you aren't making a fool of yourself, you just aren't as addicted to the Discovery Channel and Animal Planet like I am ;)
ReplyDeleteAng~
Don't do that. Does having had the chance to hold her and such for 12 days make it better or worse? I had 12 days that thousands of women never got. Seeing her and holding her made it harder to lose her I think, but those 12 days were a gift.
When I first lost Alexis, I heard, "Oh I understand" and various stories of people who had lost children. Then, I was angry - how could they possibly understand!? They hadn't experienced it exactly as I had, so they couldn't UNDERSTAND.
Since then, as the details begin to fade and all that's left is the pain/emptiness, I've realized that grief is the same - it was ME who didn't understand then, not them. The pain from the loss of a child comes to the same place no matter the situation.
Alexis' birthday and deathday are coming soon, and between that, and rehashing a lot of it with the chapbook, it's been on my mind a lot lately too.
Here's to us, Ang, and all the others, who've managed to make it through and go on.
*hugs*
It's not a matter of better or worse, E, but I can't help but think that you've gone through some much more difficult level of loss. Yes, we've both lost a child, but yours, she had a face, a name, she actually breathed life outside the womb. You carried her nine months in your belly. It certainly has to hurt in a much different way than the child that I lost before it ever truly sank in that she was mine.
ReplyDeleteHere's to you, Erin, because your strength and ability to share with us enables me to validate my own loss, and gives me the courage to not drown in the sadness.
I'm somehow humbled by that response Ang. I'm not sure how to respond to it. Thank you. ~E
ReplyDeleteI love this one. I relate.
ReplyDeleteI fondle the ivory relics of your name,
beat them into the earth
with the drums of my feet.
This is my favorite line. I love the elephant idea in it - it just gives it grace.
Razz~
ReplyDeleteThey are big ugly cumbersom creatures, but when it comes to their death 'rituals' they are far more graceful and respectful than people.