Thursday, June 2, 2005

Oh My God

So, how often is a person solicited for a chap manuscript? Never, right? Yeah. So first, I get solicited, and published and such. Granted, it isn't like random house, but considering how few times I've been published in print, the solicitation was enough to be HUGE to me.

So you figure, it's done, it's out... now it's my job to sell it, the publisher's job is done, yes? Oh no no no!

She calls me tonight talking about a contract for a series. Of course, this is contingent upon sales of Poetic Acceptance, but we're looking at the possibility of another 4 chapbooks in the next 3 years. I am the only poet she's thus far been willing to make this offer to, and of course there are a few loose guidelines as to subject and theme, but nothing that far off from what I do anyway.

So now I'm so thrilled and excited and breathless and... petrified! This means in order for me to make this happen, readings are going to have to happen. No more thinking or whining or griping or procrastinating, I have to go do this. I have to SELL this bad boy.

I have been holding in this ridiculously female scream for about an hour now, and I don't know whether it's a scream of joy or one of terror, but it's coming, building like Doppler's train! It wouldn't be so frightening if I had ANY experience with reading. I've never even attended one! And there isn't, therefore, anyone local enough to hold my hand through this process. I mean, it's me all me here people.

And I KNOW that this is a huge turning point in my life, in what is potentially a writing career. And I don't want to detour off into no where land based on fear. But fear, especially for me,right this second, is a major, palpable entity, and it's sitting on my chest.

So, I've decided that I'm just going to have to stop listening to myself, and start believing what other people tell me about myself. I'll approach this like every other peopblem in my life, E-style. I'll just do it. Swallow that little bit of bile in the back of my throat, and go. There's one thing you learn when you're a closet scaredy cat. To survive, you just smile and go. I can do this. Super D says so, and well, I have no choice unless I want to look back on this day and kick myself in the ass.

The next event I can find locally is:
June 7, Tuesday, 7:30pm. Poetry Reading & Sharing at Barnes & Noble in the Arboretum (Charlotte, NC) M. Scott Douglass will read from and sign copies of his new poetry books, STEEL WOMB Revisited (Main Street Rag, 2005) and Dip Says Hi (Rank Stranger Press, 2005) followed by a poetry sharing and group critique. Details: Brooke Shope, 704-341-9481.

So, looks like I better order some more chaps and frikken go. And find some more readings and events, and some more... and write, I have 4 chapbooks to write in the next 3 years!



  1. Anonymous1:01 AM

    No self ass kicking allowed. Just smile and go. That's all you can do. It IS what you do. And try and enjoy it a little ok? Wish I could be there, i really do.

  2. I'm trying to convince myself that you're right lol.

  3. Anonymous1:33 AM

    It isn't like you have a choice, right? The only choice is do it or not do it. Not doing it isn't an option. So you must do it. Who knows where this path will lead but you will never get there unless you follow it.

  4. That's exactly how I feel. If I don't at least try, I'll wonder forever. If I try and fail, it will hurt, but I'll KNOW. At least I'll have tried - to fail without an attempt to succeed, well, that's just sad.

    I've been 'sad' enough of my life you know? It's time to fucking at least TRY.


  5. Bravo!!! That's the spirit! Congratulations talented lady! Can you transfuse whatever chemicals that pick you up and make you go, go, go to me? "Doing to find out, to ~KNOW~ regardless of situation or circumstance because it's the chance of a lifetime." How few times we're literally handed things like this. Action is called for. Even a "baby step" is action. Devour life, hon. Do well for yourself! You deserve it. ~ML

  6. Erin, that's fabulous news! Wow! I'm so excited for you. Yes, get out there and read and sell the hell out of yourself.

    I've done a reading once, and I'm the most terrified public speaker there is. If I can do it, I know that you can. And I think you'll find that the folks there to hear you read are a great bunch of people. Very supportive. I've never heard of a poet being booed off stage before, have you?

    I think once you get the first one under your belt, it'll be easier for you.

    Good luck.

  7. lol Ang, but I don't want to be the first one booed off!!!!

  8. stop it, E! No one would dare boo you. I'm thrilled for you; guess I better polish off my PR skills, huh? BTW, how did you meet Shaela? hint, hint, hint...

  9. did I mention that mine came today?

  10. are you going tonight?