Tuesday, November 11, 2008

an explanation

This morning I called my best-friend-since-forever (Scary, seriously, we've been friends for a quarter of a century!) and she kind of blew me off with an excuse that didn't really fly, but she's been going through lots of crap lately, trying to get herself out of an 18 year long relationship (5 years of it married) with a man who has been verbally and emotionally abusive. He's worn her self-esteem down to nothing, and she's also lost a child and had another that's special needs. She's been unhappy, but somehow she loved the guy. I didn't so much, especially since they actually got married, because that's when things started to go bad.

But I'm not the type to stick my nose where it isn't invited. I'm more the type to try to support her, you know, be there for her as she makes her own decisions in her own life. She does the same thing for me - hold my hand even when I'm jumping off a bridge. We love each other so much, but we're very different people, looking for different things, so we don't try to make decisions for each other, or try to color each other's choices.

I never tried to convince her to leave him, but I'll admit to a huge sigh of relief when she kicked him out. Even when I found out that she'd blown me off this morning to finish her packing, and was gone before I even knew she was leaving. Even when I found out that what finally convinced her to do it, and MEAN it, was that she'd met another man. Who the hell am I to talk? I kicked my first husband out for another man who left his first wife for me.

Sometimes your circumstances are such that even the craziest decisions feel rational. And lord knows Scott and I have worked out.

So anyway, after weeks and weeks of trying to get it through his head, and going through absolute hell, he put her in a position where she was forced to let him come back. And then today, after he left for work, she packed her bags and headed for another state with her two kids, and hope.

Hope is a commodity that's been short in her life for a long time. And as crazy as it is to run off with two kids, out of one fire and into the arms of a man she's only "met" online and on the phone... well, yeah, maybe it is crazy. And maybe she'll hold on to that hope, and maybe that hope will lead to happiness. And just maybe, maybe she and her kids will live happily ever after.

And even if all she gets out of it is a road trip and a fling - a crazy adventure to tell her grandkids when they're teens... well, at least something has clicked, and she realizes she deserves to be happy, to be respected and appreciated. That she doesn't have to go on being belittled, disrespected, taken for granted, and controlled.

She was afraid that when she kicked him out, that he'd gone over the edge, that it was all too much for him to handle. Unfortunately, I think she was wrong... I think THIS is what's going to put him over the edge, and I sincerely hope he doesn't find out exactly where she is. If she was afraid of him before, I think she should be far more afraid of him now.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results." ~Albert Einstien

At least she's finally trying something different.


  1. Sounds like an irrational reaction, but as you say, maybe that's exactly what she needs. Good luck is being wished to your friend and her children.

  2. Who am I to judge people who meet on the internet?

    I hope it works out for her.