Sunday, July 10, 2005

5 Minute Freewrite #another

I am frightened
in the shadow of paper towers
and cardboard tubes,

that we can't withstand the wind
blown from the fanning of the clock's turn,

and the failure of our folded airplanes
makes me wish we'd practice to perfect
our origami.


  1. PS:

    I am disliking this piece very much.

  2. oh, but I love origami...I'm not so sure about the fanning of the clock's turn.

    I wrote a new one

  3. I don't dislike it, but it doesn't move me like your poems usually do.

  4. for one thing, you don't usually write one-sentence poems. That might be a turnoff right there. It does have some merit.

  5. I don't mind the run on, I mind that it doesn't move me a bit either. Guess that's 5 minutes I'll never get back, lol. This one needs MUCH work, and I'm not even sure that it's worth it.

  6. I think, unlike the rest, I really like the second stanza and the image I get of time moving too quickly.

    This certainly isn't your best piece ever, but it does have it's own sort of appeal.