12/25/05 I had a 16 year old son, a 14 yr old son, an 11 yr old daughter, an 8 yr old son, a 2 yr old daughter and a son who was 23 days old. This year I have a 17 yr old son, a 15 yr old son, a 12 yr old daughter, a 9 yr old son and a 3 yr old daughter. Seems like a long list, right? Well, I can't seem to get past what's missing enough to appreciate what I still have.
My bank account is in the red, and I'm 2 weeks from Christmas with more than 1/2 my shopping left to do. My husband has gotten another job, in addition to running his own company. My oldest son hates his parents (and don't even fucking try to tell me how that's "normal" for his age ok? Just bite your tongue and back out.)
I'm pretty disinterested in everything and I'm sick as a dog - no doubt there's some connection between the physical and the mental there... but I don't really give a shit.
I'm walking the tight rope on the line between apathy and total meltdown. Teeeeter totter teeeter totter.
it ain't easy e
ReplyDeletei'm feel ing about that
way my self late lee
i hope to move thru it
such a stressful time of year
don't you think
i feel like i'm fighting the world
most days / / week ends are the worst
w/every body home / fight ing
all my children do is fight / & it
pains me / drives me crzy / & makes
me wish i could just run run run
a way
take it easy girl / it's not an
easy ride /
love
~jx
Well. I've sat here for a few minutes now. And still nothing. No words. None with meaning. Only this feeling of empathy, sheer will, that far exceeds my talents, means, and powers upon this earth.
ReplyDeleteI don't know...I really don't...not now.
I can only hope for a better day for you, for all of you.
*hug* no words for you hon other than these....I love you
ReplyDeleteUm, pretty much what Mr. Watkins said. And *hug*. Ok, so mix Mary and James, and that is where I am at.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is twelve, going on a surley seventeen. She is starting to roll her eyes and cock her hip, and look at me with that teenage "OH - MY - GOD - MOTHER!!!!"
ReplyDeletesort of thing.
So I can dig your vibe.
A wise crone and parent of adult children gave me a magic tip once:
"Ignore the tone, and listen to the message. Teenagers cant help using that tone, and its the tone that grates parents ears and drives us to drink. Ignore the tone and hear the words, and you just might find, you have something to talk about after all."
Her advice sometimes seems like baby asprin for a migrane, but it has helped on occassion.
Good luck.
perhaps a smile, E?
ReplyDeleteI desperately wanted to get you this:
http://paizo.com/store/apparel/tShirts/pegasusPublishing/v5748btpy7roh
hrmph. the link, it did not work, methinks. http://paizo.com/store/apparel/tShirts/pegasusPublishing/v5748btpy7roh
ReplyDeleteI am computer daft. If that doesn't work, I'll email it!
Sometimes I get feeling so down that I have to talk to my doctor and go on a script for a few months. I don't like that solution, but when I feel better I realize that I did what I had to do.
ReplyDelete