Friday, March 25, 2005

I thought

I have thought far too much about my childhood and my past lately. It's the full moon, it makes me think far too much about everything. A few days from now, I'll laugh at myself for how seriously I've been taking myself and my situations lately. The rising of a full moon is a lot like 'PMS' - I don't actually claim PMS, I think it tends to be an excuse for women (like religion is for some people) to justify bad behavior. Not that PMS doesn't exist, I'm sure it does, but not in every woman in creation, every damn month. My point being that the full moon completely effects my mood, my actions and reactions, and I have no control over it. I'm not even cognizant of it at the time, only in retrospect.

Part of me says I should tell Scott to point it out to me when I'm doing it, but that might just be sentencing him to his own demise.

It's Friday night. No one is on. People other than me have lives, dates, TV shows, places to go. I just sit here. It's disgusting. I'm more addicted in the last 2 or 3 months than I ever was before I went off line for a year.

Fridays suck. I don't even have the money to go rent a fucking movie. I watch National Geographic onDemand for shits and giggles. There's an email I need to send. I won't send it, probably never. Sometimes things are too hard too akward to say. I find that to be particularly true when that person is going through something you've already experienced. I always hate coming off like, "I've been through it, I know how to handle it, let me give you instructions."

You know what I hate? Liars, manipulators. People who become whatever they think will fit in best or be most adventageous. Hypocrits are assholes too.

In some ways I am a hypocrit though. A writer who preaches to read, and I don't. Basiacally anti-religion, and hoping to see Alexis again someday. Alexis. There's another subject I've been dwelling on lately. It's not even any kind of anniversary. I think it's more to do with Terra than I like to admit.

1 comment:

  1. I am not awake enough to articulately comment on this as much as I want to, so I am going to make an appearance and be back later. Hope you slept well. Or at least slept, period.