I was asked today, "If you could have stopped aging at any point in your life up to the present, how old would you want to remain?"
I'm really happy with who I am at this point in my life. Especially when it comes to my relationship with my husband. We're in a really good place together, and I wouldn't want to change that at all. I'm also probably in the best place as far as my sense of self is concerned. I'm probably more self-assured now than I've ever been. I like me, and I like 'us' too. For the first time I can ever remember, I'm pretty darn comfortable in my own skin. That's a pretty good feeling. It's also more than a lot of people can say.
But my first reaction was to go back to 2000. Back before my babies started dying.
So in the end, this question, for me, turned out to be more of a choice between having Alexis and Nova back and being in a less desirable place as a person (and frankly, a less desirable person) - or being the wiser person without my babies.
I'm glad it's just a philosophical question and not a real-life choice, because I don't know which I'd choose. Losing them has made me a better wife, a better mother, and frankly, a better person, but I don't know if that would matter to me if I had the chance to have them back.