Wednesday, October 11, 2006


I was asked today, "If you could have stopped aging at any point in your life up to the present, how old would you want to remain?"

I'm really happy with who I am at this point in my life. Especially when it comes to my relationship with my husband. We're in a really good place together, and I wouldn't want to change that at all. I'm also probably in the best place as far as my sense of self is concerned. I'm probably more self-assured now than I've ever been. I like me, and I like 'us' too. For the first time I can ever remember, I'm pretty darn comfortable in my own skin. That's a pretty good feeling. It's also more than a lot of people can say.

But my first reaction was to go back to 2000. Back before my babies started dying.

So in the end, this question, for me, turned out to be more of a choice between having Alexis and Nova back and being in a less desirable place as a person (and frankly, a less desirable person) - or being the wiser person without my babies.

I'm glad it's just a philosophical question and not a real-life choice, because I don't know which I'd choose. Losing them has made me a better wife, a better mother, and frankly, a better person, but I don't know if that would matter to me if I had the chance to have them back.


  1. *hug* Just stopping by to tell you I love you and I am thinking of you...

  2. Aww...*hug*...that is all we can ever ask for. Love you!

  3. i guess , i luv u 2 just like erin and wcmama !

  4. I haven't been to these here parts in quite sometime, hon. If you know how much joy it brings me to see you tackle this question in the manner you did. Mom did this also recently in a conversation she had. The worry, care, concern of those with health issues around us WHILE they're with us and before they depart versus having them back and still having that worry. Not having them leave and not having the health worries take you that much further away from the basic philosophical question. You're qualifying the question. so you were both correct, chose wisely and as it turns out, Mom did too using much the same logic you did, Erin.

    Mwahs and hugs to you and yours!

    Onward and upward!



  5. What a thought, I do that sometimes. The what if's. I wish I never got involved with my ex, but then I would not have my daughter.