Unwritten

Unwritten
This song makes me smile:

Unwritten
by Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

And this song makes me cry:

Hate Me
by Blue October
I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

(Chorus)
Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

(Verse 2)
I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with.
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again.
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate.
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

(Chorus)
Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

(Verse 3)
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

(Chorus)
Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

Listening to them back to back, on repeat, it's kind of like a manic depressive on crack. Up, down, up, down, updownupdownupdown. Weeeeee.

Actually, I have to say, it's been a good day. Most days I'm finding it really hard to get anything done. No motivation. Lots of "If I just Lay Here" (another favorite song lately - but I'm too lazy to find the lyrics for you and I can't find it on Yahoo Music. It's by Snow Patrol, if it's really important - go steal it with Limewire ;) ) days. But if I make myself get up (I manage that with varying degrees of success) and get something accomplished, it really helps. So yesterday, I gardened. Well, actually, I ungardened. I dug out and removed an assload of big cacti along the side of my yard and did a lot of autumn pruning, all in anticipation of separating all my lilies and replanting a bunch of them where the cacti were. I'm also doing some mental planning for a new flower bed in my front yard, with an arbor and a bird bath, some dusty miller and some lilies and some wisteria and something that cascades (suggestions anyone?) and some annuals like maybe pansies. Lots of color and movement, and if I can get the damn stray cat to go away, maybe even some birds. Again, I love left overs, rescues, and freecycle, we have an arbor, got the bird bath for free through freecycle, the lilies have multiplied so much I could do my whole yard in them, the only we have a new rescue azalea bush, plenty of dusty miller to separate and use, Wisteria grows like mad on the road sides in the spring... I think all I'll need to buy is a flat or 2 of Pansies, and the cascading whatever thingy.

Today I spent hours blowing leaves. Scott is the yard guy, by way of owning the equipment and doing it for a living. I, however, just like to play with his tools, and the leaf blower is my favorite of his toys. It's mindless work, and it's loud, which means no one bothers even trying to ask you anything. It allows me to accomplish something while remaining in my own little detached reality. The leaf blower affords me the opportunity to have the best of both worlds. I accomplish something, feel productive, but without having to actually deal with reality or think too hard about what I'm doing. 'Tis good.

And now I'm immersed in music, with headphones, while blogging, and chair dancing. I'll probably crash later, but right now, I almost feel human (Haven't had a shower since I did the yard work so I don't necessarily smell human, but whatever) and life doesn't suck too bad for now.