Look it that... someone with a true talent for photography can make even me look good.

They say pictures don't lie... but... they MUST be wrong.

It's been a long time

It's been a long time since I've even been here. I realized the other day that it had been weeks since I even opened the page.

I'm just overwhelmed lately. We finished up the Heart Walk last September and I got lost. That's what kept me going after Nova died. Haviong something to focus on, a goal, ya know? Ever since then I've been trying to find a goal.

I forgot to blog. I forgot how to write poetry. Hell, I've even forgotten to miss poetry. I started a mommies group. Yeah. Me. Weird huh? You know what they say about loss. It reinvents you. This new Erin runs a mommies group with a load of forums, and weekly playdates

and events for moms

and kids

and families.
We coordinate community events and local fundraisers and all sorts of things. A few weeks ago we did a fund raiser for a mother whos son died of SIDS. Last mmonth we organized a drive for the local battered women's shelter.



We do each other's hair (well ok Steph, my partner, does hair see:)

Ourmommiesgroup.com has even adopted a street to clean once every quarter.

We totally support each other through everything: diets, cranky kids, kids with allergies, new teeth, feeding problems, special needs and sickness, giving each other a ride somewhere, helping deal with deaths in the family, recommending each others' businesses. And I LOVE this group of women, and their kids too. It's been really fulfilling to put this together from scratch and make it work and watch it grow and flourish. It's been amazing actually, and we have barely begun! We've only been up and running 3 months and already have 160+ members. I can only imagine where we'll be in another 6 months.

But somedays, a lot of days really, I still feel empty and underwhelmed with life in general. I have so little motivation to do the things I should be doing, like laundry. Or fundraising for Team Nova...

I love a lot of the things this new Erin does, and a lot of the things she is. But I still miss the old Erin.

Curving (again)

Image found at: http://www.rene-schwietzke.de/povray/povray-gallery.html
Curving

You were promise, curving
like the round of my belly
as light through crystal,
yellow to green to blue.

You were my secret, spilling
like sand from the bend of my elbow
into the way my hair tickled your face
as I lifted you.

Or was it you that lifted me?

You were hope,
now more than ever beyond grasp,
smile too wise to acknowledge death,
and recognition in your eyes.

Yes, you were promise
like dew in the boughs of the willow
curving always away.

Amazing!

Last year, after we lost Nova to a Congenital Heart Defect, when I started getting involved with the American Heart Association by joining the Heart Walk, I knew I had the freshness of Nova's death to move people. I never imagined so many people would be so moved, but I knew that I needed to make a difference in this world in his and Alexis' memory, and that his recent death was going to be a motivating factor, not just for us, but for everyone else as well. But I have to be honest here, I never believed that Team Nova would raise $5000+ dollars like we did!

So this year when we signed up again, a year out from Nova's death, nearly 6 since we lost Alexis... I set my goal high enough to intimidate myself, and convinced myself that the time span was going to hinder our fundraising efforts. I overwhelmed and discouraged myself. Bad Erin!

But in the last 2 or 3 days I have had so many people suddenly come to me with support and encouragment! I've (as you can see with the badge at the top of this post) been nominated for Best Charity Blog, and several of my Blogger friends have made posts and started raffles in Nova's memory that will benefit Team Nova's awareness and fundraising efforts. They've added links in their sidebars and posted about one another's support So I'm thinking it's time I get off my butt and post our donation page link - and let Nova's life continue to make a difference.

So here's that link https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=211173&supId=160575062 and if you feel moved to support us in our fight against Congenital Heart Defects, please, donate there, or join the yarn raffle... and please vote for my blog, and do it in memory of my babies, Alexis and Nova.

1 year

One Year

I miss you so much...


I can't believe it's already been a year. I still hurt like it was yesterday. Hell, that's not exactly true, back then I had the benefit of being numb and in shock.

life changes

We found out last weekish that Tommy is the father of the baby that was put up for adoption. Had I blogged about that? I don't remember. Anyway, we get pictures and notes now. He's beautiful. Tommy is taking the whole thing much better than I am.

He is taking it so well that he moved out tonight. That's right, my first chick has flown the coup. We piled his worldly belongings into the truck and moved him to an apartment with some friends this evening. My god the filth a teenage boy leaves behind!

But his room is (for now) a toy/game/play room... it echoes. Strange.

I'm happy for him, almost 18, finding himself, getting his independence, starting his life as an adult... I'm not as heart broken as I thought I'd be. I will say that the timing is kind of shitty, you know, from a completely selfish standpoint. Of course, I kept that thought to myself, wished him well... and agreed to buy his groceries for the next week.

So much for independence and self reliand\ce huh? LOL.

And so it starts. Empty nest syndrome. Just 4 more kids and 14 years to go.

Heart Walk 2007

It's time for Heart Walk 2007!

In less than a month, we will be commemorating the one year anniversary of Nova's death, and so it's time to kick off our efforts for this year's Walk.

Once again, we're working with the American Heart Association to raise funds and Awareness in the battle against Congenital Heart Defects. If you're receiving this email from me, most likely, you know our story, and how we've lost 2 of our children in 5 years to the effects of Congenital Heart Defects.

Nearly 40,000 babies have been born with CHD since you last heard from me about last year's Heart Walk, and nearly 4000 have died as a result. We want to honor Alexis' and Nova's memories by doing our part in helping future parents avoid experiencing the devastating loss of a child.

Please help us battle the #1 birth defect, and the leading cause of defect-related infant death by making a donation of $25, $50 or more.

Thank you so much for your support!

Erin and Scott
(in loving memory of Alexis and Nova LeClair)

Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support American Heart Association - Charlotte, NC

Hidden

Hidden

There are too many stars in the sky tonight
poured from the curve of an unfull moon
while midnight fantasies lie
shrouded in the sliver of shadow.

Mine though is a swelling tide
and some secrets are best
when they crash, salty, at your feet.

So...
I saw you today,
standing pale and silent
against a blue noon,
watching as I gardened.

My hands busied themselves
with weeds and bulbs and dirt,
while my mind traced tender fingers
around your sad eyes and smiling lips
and no matter how I tried
I couldn't dig deep enough
to bury the ache.

I tried to leave you a moment
sheltered in the curl of the Canna
and for another,
safely swathed in Gardenia perfume
but found you,
again and again
where you've hidden for weeks -

warm against my chest like
a seed inside my shirt pocket.

remembering - a year later

It's been a year since I started saying goodbye



























It's been over a year since the last time I held Nova, whole and well, alive and alert, just minutes before his open heart surgery. In roughly six weeks, I will commemorate the fact that a year has passed since he died. It's hard to believe sometimes that's it's already been a year. And yet, other times it seems like so long ago that I last buried my face in his chubby little neck.

It has been a year since he was last mine, completely mine. I relinquished my son to a team of physicians, in hopes that they'd return him in better condition than when they received him. Of course, surgery and more surgery, medication, complications and infections... They took my beautiful vibrant baby boy from me before death had a chance. In a way, the 21st is the one year anniversary of the day I let Nova go. That was the day I had chosen to kick off my American Heart Association Charlotte Metro Heart Walk 2007 fundraising campaign. Unfortunately, it was not a day that I managed to do much of anything... so today is now the day.

I know that this last year has weathered my grief, smoothed it just a bit, made it more possible to run my fingers along its edges without drawing blood. If that's true for me, then I know it is exponentially true for the Poetic Acceptance readership, especially with my recent absence, and shitty habit of not returning emails or comments.

But somewhere there is a mother struggling to survive her first day without her child, and somewhere there's a mother whose child will die tomorrow... because as many as 40,000 children will be born with a congenital heart defect this year - making it the #1 birth defect, and nearly 4000 of those children will die, making CHDs the leading cause of defect related infant mortality in the world.

It is for those children, and those mothers, that I ask for your support again this year. Last year, thanks to your unbelievably generous support, I raised $3623, and Team Nova's total topped out over $5000. I sincerely hope that I can meet and even surpass that amount this year, because there simply isn't enough money allocated annually to Congenital Heart Defects research. I want to do my part to face that challenge, and to change those statistics.

So... Support Team Nova 2007, please!