I started toying with the idea of a donations button lately. I mean, this process of marketing my chapbook isn't going to be free, and I'm not selling them by the truckload just yet, so the capital I need to order more copies, in order to have them to sell is non-existant. In other words, I'm having supply and demand issues.
I also had pride issues, I am not generally one to ask for things from anyone. I do not receive well. I'm more of a giver, if you know what I mean. so I toyed with it, and I tossed the idea. That is until I saw that a friend of mine was also thinking of doing it.
Well for some reason that changed how I looked at it, and I can't explain why, but it did. I still had to kind of convince myself to do it, but do it I did.
Now for those of you thinking, as I usually do when I see one of these buttons on a blog, "Um, blogs are free..."
I'm not asking for support of the blog, unless you'd like to type while I dictate... what I'm doing is allowing for the opportunity for someone else to help me fund the marketing costs of my chapbook. I can promise you that every penny I receive will go to selling, advertising, traveling expenses for meetups or out of town readings where I might go to sell the book. I won't bankroll the family vacation, steak dinners, or new hair-dos with any donations I get.
Of course, I have some doubts that I'll actually get any donations, which is perfectly ok too, because right now, I'm feeling a little funny about the whole idea!
Monday, June 6, 2005
Sunday, June 5, 2005
Short Preview
This is another of the poems in my chapbook - just a short.
Puddle Jumping
I'm puddle jumping
in this film of your emotion.
Raise your eyes
I want to see
the gasoline rainbows
spread around my feet.
Poetry
Puddle Jumping
I'm puddle jumping
in this film of your emotion.
Raise your eyes
I want to see
the gasoline rainbows
spread around my feet.
Poetry
Discovering the Tavern
The Tarheel Tavern is a NC Blog carnival. This, in my inexperienced bloggerdom, was a new term for me, this carnival. I have noticed it being hosted here and there, but didn't really understand what it was or how it worked. Basically, every once in a while I'd stumble across a post that included links to a lot of other blogs, but it never really sank in you know?
Tonight, someone mentioned to me that I should participate, so I went to see excatly what it's all about. It looks like a lot of fun for sure, and a great way to check out the nc blogs that get involved. I'm looking forward to the announcement of this weeks rule/theme so I can make my entry.
I love my blog, I love the idea of them in general, but when you realize that there are whole blogosystems within the blogosphere that allow you to make more personal connections with people you'd normally never know existed, it's just a really cool experience. It offers you the opportunity to make new friends, find out about local meetups, shware information and help each other out. I'm loving finding out that NC bloggers have a whole "neighborhood" atmosphere.
So Tarheel Tavern here I come!
Tonight, someone mentioned to me that I should participate, so I went to see excatly what it's all about. It looks like a lot of fun for sure, and a great way to check out the nc blogs that get involved. I'm looking forward to the announcement of this weeks rule/theme so I can make my entry.
I love my blog, I love the idea of them in general, but when you realize that there are whole blogosystems within the blogosphere that allow you to make more personal connections with people you'd normally never know existed, it's just a really cool experience. It offers you the opportunity to make new friends, find out about local meetups, shware information and help each other out. I'm loving finding out that NC bloggers have a whole "neighborhood" atmosphere.
So Tarheel Tavern here I come!
Saturday, June 4, 2005
re-oomfed
For all that one negative comment can take out of you, one man and a few emails can put back double! Billy the Blogging Poet is my hero of the day. (No I won't have one daily, sorry) I emailed 2 local poets, both listed on NCBlogs last night, asking for advice on where to find poetry related venues and places to sell my chapbook. One returned with some advice and his honest opinion. The other, Billy, answered me with lists of ideas and venues, blogs, sites and people to contact. If Greensboro were within arms reach, I'd hug his neck.
As of this morning I was feeling none too hopeful about my chances of finding a way of marketing my chap. Then I got his first email, and it was like someone threw the switch to 'on' for me. And what amazes me most is that he didn't offer for some personal gain, he didn't stand to gain a thing from helping me out - he did it out of good old fashioned southern hospitality.
As of this morning I was feeling none too hopeful about my chances of finding a way of marketing my chap. Then I got his first email, and it was like someone threw the switch to 'on' for me. And what amazes me most is that he didn't offer for some personal gain, he didn't stand to gain a thing from helping me out - he did it out of good old fashioned southern hospitality.
Ooof
I asked a local poet for some help as far as finding readings and open mics.
What a wake up call. He pointed some out to me - after telling me that basically, I'm an amateur, I'd never sell a single book, though I might get some good advice from a kindly poet who wanted to offer me some.
He said "There is a much higher level of writing already in place around here." As if A.) I totally suck and B.) I'm trying to take over the Charlotte poetry scene. I just want to participate.
OK. The truth is, he's right. I am a beginner. I'm completely clueless to the local scene. I have no idea what's "popular" around here. I'm trying to accept his opinion for what it is, an objective opinion of my work, which I don't get often. And a bit of inside advice from someone who is experienced in my local scene - a decent gauge of what the overall crowd reaction may be. And I'm also trying to remind myself that his opinion is only 1 opinion, and that poetry is subjective, so I'm sure there will be some who DO enjoy my poetry.
And (yes people I'm trying to justify my existence) he's a he, and the poetry in this chap is seriously more effective for the female reader. I wonder if the local poets and poetry fans are more male or female? Most likely female, right? I mean... Right?
I am so stressed out about this damn chapbook! It's supposed to be an accomplishment, something that should make me feel better about myself, but damn it, that email exchange sure took the wind right out of me.
And all I know to do is go to a reading, listen, check out the crowd and gauge their reaction firsthand. Maybe get on stage and humiliate myself, but if I don't I'll never know right? I don't want to live with this great big huge regret, based on the opinion of one person, do I?
Christ I hope he isn't at my first open mic reading.
What a wake up call. He pointed some out to me - after telling me that basically, I'm an amateur, I'd never sell a single book, though I might get some good advice from a kindly poet who wanted to offer me some.
He said "There is a much higher level of writing already in place around here." As if A.) I totally suck and B.) I'm trying to take over the Charlotte poetry scene. I just want to participate.
OK. The truth is, he's right. I am a beginner. I'm completely clueless to the local scene. I have no idea what's "popular" around here. I'm trying to accept his opinion for what it is, an objective opinion of my work, which I don't get often. And a bit of inside advice from someone who is experienced in my local scene - a decent gauge of what the overall crowd reaction may be. And I'm also trying to remind myself that his opinion is only 1 opinion, and that poetry is subjective, so I'm sure there will be some who DO enjoy my poetry.
And (yes people I'm trying to justify my existence) he's a he, and the poetry in this chap is seriously more effective for the female reader. I wonder if the local poets and poetry fans are more male or female? Most likely female, right? I mean... Right?
I am so stressed out about this damn chapbook! It's supposed to be an accomplishment, something that should make me feel better about myself, but damn it, that email exchange sure took the wind right out of me.
And all I know to do is go to a reading, listen, check out the crowd and gauge their reaction firsthand. Maybe get on stage and humiliate myself, but if I don't I'll never know right? I don't want to live with this great big huge regret, based on the opinion of one person, do I?
Christ I hope he isn't at my first open mic reading.
Thursday, June 2, 2005
Oh My God
So, how often is a person solicited for a chap manuscript? Never, right? Yeah. So first, I get solicited, and published and such. Granted, it isn't like random house, but considering how few times I've been published in print, the solicitation was enough to be HUGE to me.
So you figure, it's done, it's out... now it's my job to sell it, the publisher's job is done, yes? Oh no no no!
She calls me tonight talking about a contract for a series. Of course, this is contingent upon sales of Poetic Acceptance, but we're looking at the possibility of another 4 chapbooks in the next 3 years. I am the only poet she's thus far been willing to make this offer to, and of course there are a few loose guidelines as to subject and theme, but nothing that far off from what I do anyway.
So now I'm so thrilled and excited and breathless and... petrified! This means in order for me to make this happen, readings are going to have to happen. No more thinking or whining or griping or procrastinating, I have to go do this. I have to SELL this bad boy.
I have been holding in this ridiculously female scream for about an hour now, and I don't know whether it's a scream of joy or one of terror, but it's coming, building like Doppler's train! It wouldn't be so frightening if I had ANY experience with reading. I've never even attended one! And there isn't, therefore, anyone local enough to hold my hand through this process. I mean, it's me all me here people.
And I KNOW that this is a huge turning point in my life, in what is potentially a writing career. And I don't want to detour off into no where land based on fear. But fear, especially for me,right this second, is a major, palpable entity, and it's sitting on my chest.
So, I've decided that I'm just going to have to stop listening to myself, and start believing what other people tell me about myself. I'll approach this like every other peopblem in my life, E-style. I'll just do it. Swallow that little bit of bile in the back of my throat, and go. There's one thing you learn when you're a closet scaredy cat. To survive, you just smile and go. I can do this. Super D says so, and well, I have no choice unless I want to look back on this day and kick myself in the ass.
The next event I can find locally is:
June 7, Tuesday, 7:30pm. Poetry Reading & Sharing at Barnes & Noble in the Arboretum (Charlotte, NC) M. Scott Douglass will read from and sign copies of his new poetry books, STEEL WOMB Revisited (Main Street Rag, 2005) and Dip Says Hi (Rank Stranger Press, 2005) followed by a poetry sharing and group critique. Details: Brooke Shope, 704-341-9481.
So, looks like I better order some more chaps and frikken go. And find some more readings and events, and some more... and write, I have 4 chapbooks to write in the next 3 years!
*gulp*
So you figure, it's done, it's out... now it's my job to sell it, the publisher's job is done, yes? Oh no no no!
She calls me tonight talking about a contract for a series. Of course, this is contingent upon sales of Poetic Acceptance, but we're looking at the possibility of another 4 chapbooks in the next 3 years. I am the only poet she's thus far been willing to make this offer to, and of course there are a few loose guidelines as to subject and theme, but nothing that far off from what I do anyway.
So now I'm so thrilled and excited and breathless and... petrified! This means in order for me to make this happen, readings are going to have to happen. No more thinking or whining or griping or procrastinating, I have to go do this. I have to SELL this bad boy.
I have been holding in this ridiculously female scream for about an hour now, and I don't know whether it's a scream of joy or one of terror, but it's coming, building like Doppler's train! It wouldn't be so frightening if I had ANY experience with reading. I've never even attended one! And there isn't, therefore, anyone local enough to hold my hand through this process. I mean, it's me all me here people.
And I KNOW that this is a huge turning point in my life, in what is potentially a writing career. And I don't want to detour off into no where land based on fear. But fear, especially for me,right this second, is a major, palpable entity, and it's sitting on my chest.
So, I've decided that I'm just going to have to stop listening to myself, and start believing what other people tell me about myself. I'll approach this like every other peopblem in my life, E-style. I'll just do it. Swallow that little bit of bile in the back of my throat, and go. There's one thing you learn when you're a closet scaredy cat. To survive, you just smile and go. I can do this. Super D says so, and well, I have no choice unless I want to look back on this day and kick myself in the ass.
The next event I can find locally is:
June 7, Tuesday, 7:30pm. Poetry Reading & Sharing at Barnes & Noble in the Arboretum (Charlotte, NC) M. Scott Douglass will read from and sign copies of his new poetry books, STEEL WOMB Revisited (Main Street Rag, 2005) and Dip Says Hi (Rank Stranger Press, 2005) followed by a poetry sharing and group critique. Details: Brooke Shope, 704-341-9481.
So, looks like I better order some more chaps and frikken go. And find some more readings and events, and some more... and write, I have 4 chapbooks to write in the next 3 years!
*gulp*
Blogthing
Your Birthdate: July 4 |
Being born on the 4th day of the month should help make you a better manager and organizer. You may be more responsible and self-disciplined than you realize. Sincere and honest, you are a serious and hard working individual. Your feelings are likely to seem somewhat repressed at times. The number 4 has something of an inhibiting effect on your ability to show and express affections, as feeling are very closely regulated and controlled. You are apt to be much more practical, rational, and conscious of details. There is a good deal of rigidity and stubbornness associated with the number 4. |
A Poem from My Chapbook
This is one of the central pieces in my chapbook - it's a series written on the process of grief, or at least, on parts of the process of grief. There are actually (in some manual somewhere) 8 steps and/or stages - but I wasn't writing a manual. Hope you enjoy:
Time
A study in Grief
I.
Feathers of Sorrow
Now there is nothing
and it's too much,
everything, and not nearly enough
at the same time, and the words
come out wrong because there are
no words at all.
It's lacking, and it's more
than you can carry -
a thousand pounds of feathers,
strapped and dragging behind you.
It's too damned much
this weight of nothing.
II.
The Grace of Anger
Soon there will be anger.
Lend her a name,
one of your own choosing -
make it beautiful, delicious;
her aftertaste will linger
long on your tongue.
Hold her tightly, relish
her flavor - savor her
without shame.
She will be
your lover and enemy,
your confidante
and foe. You will
hate her and need her,
in equal measure, but
make space for her
in your midnight silence,
for soon there will be anger;
and you will learn
to cherish her name.
III.
Poetic Acceptance
Then flew the butterfly from the fog
with wings, lightly dusted
to leave faith-prints on the breeze.
She has shaken free of snow-dustings
to settle gently on the blooms
of the daffodils. She has climbed
prematurely from her cocoon
into a world unknown
with the belief that she,
in youthful glee
will flourish on the wind.
Poetry
Time
A study in Grief
I.
Feathers of Sorrow
Now there is nothing
and it's too much,
everything, and not nearly enough
at the same time, and the words
come out wrong because there are
no words at all.
It's lacking, and it's more
than you can carry -
a thousand pounds of feathers,
strapped and dragging behind you.
It's too damned much
this weight of nothing.
II.
The Grace of Anger
Soon there will be anger.
Lend her a name,
one of your own choosing -
make it beautiful, delicious;
her aftertaste will linger
long on your tongue.
Hold her tightly, relish
her flavor - savor her
without shame.
She will be
your lover and enemy,
your confidante
and foe. You will
hate her and need her,
in equal measure, but
make space for her
in your midnight silence,
for soon there will be anger;
and you will learn
to cherish her name.
III.
Poetic Acceptance
Then flew the butterfly from the fog
with wings, lightly dusted
to leave faith-prints on the breeze.
She has shaken free of snow-dustings
to settle gently on the blooms
of the daffodils. She has climbed
prematurely from her cocoon
into a world unknown
with the belief that she,
in youthful glee
will flourish on the wind.
Poetry
Wednesday, June 1, 2005
Pocket full of Poesy
Pocket full of Poesy has released its premier issue today. Pocket Full of Poesy is a web based poetry zine founded by Sheweevil, and it's first issue includes some really fine poetry. I happen to be included in it, because its newness made competition light, but I'm hoping more and more people will start submitting for a spot in there!
Go ahead, hop on over and take a peek, it's well worth it. And submit something, help Fiona make a successful venture into the poetry ezine market!
Go ahead, hop on over and take a peek, it's well worth it. And submit something, help Fiona make a successful venture into the poetry ezine market!
Child Support
So, if you've been with me from the beginning of this blog (a whopping 4 months lol) then you know a few things about me, one of which is that I have an ex husband. He was not a nice man. Oh, that's unfair. He was nice enough before we got married, but we got married too soon. Hell, I was 16. Anyw3ay- the marriage wasn't a pleasant place to be, not a great memory in my life. That sucks, not for the years I gave him - they were my doing, my choice, my loss. It's sad for the boys though, who haven't seen their father once in 13 years. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that he hasn't been interested in being involved in their lives. I wouldn't want that kind of man to have anything to do with raising my children, and though his absence has obviously had an effect on their lives, it has been preferable to having his presence influence them.
I suppose what I'm saying is that I wish he had been a different kind of person. One who wasn't so fucked up inside, one I didn't have to protect myself and my children from. One who would have stayed close enough to his children to feel like contributing to their financial support at least.
Thirteen years is a long time, he remembers them, no doubt, as 2 little boys, 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 and after all this time, I'm sure that's vague - easily pushed to the back of one's mind. The thing is, he's court ordered to pay support. Get this, a whopping $238 a month. I know people who get twice that for one kid, and he won't pay that.
That's less than $30 a week per kid.
So he and his wife and at least one child that I know of live in Tennessee, changing jobs as often as necessary to evade the wage garnishing. And through the miracle of red-tape and interstate legalities, has managed to do it for years. He owes over $14,000 in arrears, and hasn't paid a cent yet this year. By law, I'm supposed to get his tax refunds, and can't get them either, because one year he claimed the boys and got a few grand back in earned income credit, but got caught by the IRS and all of his refunds now go to pay back the government. So, between whatever IRS loopholes he's going through by filing married filing jointly with his wife, and the gov't taking his part of the refund, we still get nothing. North Carolina's court system can't do much about it because he lives in Tn, and Tn apparently isn't doing anything either.
So I looked him up online. I have for years (for some damn reason) remembered his SS# and now I know his address and telephone number. The question is, what the hell do I do with it? My evil female mind has been through plenty of ideas. First, to harrass him. Call him day and night - write letters to him and his family. Yeah, ok, a little psycho/Jerry Springer right? OK we won't do that. How about I post this info all over the internet - hope someone steals his pathetic identity and screws him over really good. OK, I know him well enough to know it isn't like he has a lot of credit or anything, even an identity thief couldn't do much with his credit.
I can't afford a private lawyer or the trips to Tn, which would be necessary, since the state of NC turned over the case to Tn, it's now in Tn jurisdiction. I've called those places, like SupportKids.com or whatever, and they take like 1/4 of the settlement, plus a cut of any money I get from him between now and then.
So, just like the last 13 years, my kids go without, and I'm at a loss.
Any ideas?
I suppose what I'm saying is that I wish he had been a different kind of person. One who wasn't so fucked up inside, one I didn't have to protect myself and my children from. One who would have stayed close enough to his children to feel like contributing to their financial support at least.
Thirteen years is a long time, he remembers them, no doubt, as 2 little boys, 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 and after all this time, I'm sure that's vague - easily pushed to the back of one's mind. The thing is, he's court ordered to pay support. Get this, a whopping $238 a month. I know people who get twice that for one kid, and he won't pay that.
That's less than $30 a week per kid.
So he and his wife and at least one child that I know of live in Tennessee, changing jobs as often as necessary to evade the wage garnishing. And through the miracle of red-tape and interstate legalities, has managed to do it for years. He owes over $14,000 in arrears, and hasn't paid a cent yet this year. By law, I'm supposed to get his tax refunds, and can't get them either, because one year he claimed the boys and got a few grand back in earned income credit, but got caught by the IRS and all of his refunds now go to pay back the government. So, between whatever IRS loopholes he's going through by filing married filing jointly with his wife, and the gov't taking his part of the refund, we still get nothing. North Carolina's court system can't do much about it because he lives in Tn, and Tn apparently isn't doing anything either.
So I looked him up online. I have for years (for some damn reason) remembered his SS# and now I know his address and telephone number. The question is, what the hell do I do with it? My evil female mind has been through plenty of ideas. First, to harrass him. Call him day and night - write letters to him and his family. Yeah, ok, a little psycho/Jerry Springer right? OK we won't do that. How about I post this info all over the internet - hope someone steals his pathetic identity and screws him over really good. OK, I know him well enough to know it isn't like he has a lot of credit or anything, even an identity thief couldn't do much with his credit.
I can't afford a private lawyer or the trips to Tn, which would be necessary, since the state of NC turned over the case to Tn, it's now in Tn jurisdiction. I've called those places, like SupportKids.com or whatever, and they take like 1/4 of the settlement, plus a cut of any money I get from him between now and then.
So, just like the last 13 years, my kids go without, and I'm at a loss.
Any ideas?
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