feeling better today

sort of... at least on some fronts. Others, not so much. lol.

Bleh. I just need to find some balance. Taking today off helped a little. Now here it is 2am. I should have gone to be early. I know sleep helps, but, lol, I'm currently drinking a friggin mocha latte.

I'm a glutton for punishment I reckon.

current mood and status

things that bug me

1. finding a new blog that I really think I'm gonna love, only to be repeatedly stupified by hints at incredibly intriguing past events that I know nothing about, and can not find any explanation for or past accounts of. If you haven't been reading from the beginning of blog-time, then you may as well give up on ever understanding a certain percentage of posts. PLEASE people, if there's some major occurrence in your past that you are going to refer to in future/ongoing blog posts - fill a newcomer in some kinda way!

2. Choosing a grocery store based on the sales and specials, only to find that they only had 4 cans of whatever it was that was on special, and that they will remain out of stock for the next 3 weeks. I admit it, I'm lazy, once I'm IN the store, it's unlikely that I'll stop, mid-shopping and leave to go to a less expensive store. Yes, I know that's the whole point but the marketing genius behind is a real bastard.

3. People who do 55 or more through a neighborhood where the posted speed limit is 20mph while talking on a cell phone - particularly people who perform the aforementioned stunt and then act like it's the other person's fault when there's an incident.

4. Crazy exes. Not just mine, actually, my kids' exes bug me way worse than my own ever did. What is UP with teenagers these days!? My gawd.

5. When peopleinterrupt me, then rudely talk, louder and louder, thereby not allowing me to finish my sentence. Especially in cases where we are NOT debating (ie: you don't have to talk over me to make your point asshole).

Blah

Scott and I and 3 of our kids spent 3 days in a house on the beach with an amazing view of the ocean and the pier last weekend. The weather wasn't awesome (even in SC February is a crappy ime to go to the beach) but the trip really was awesome. I've always felt at home at the beach - something about being there makes me feel more peaceful and fulfilled than anywhere or anywhen else. Home is where the ocean meets the sand, and it isn't a matter of IF we will live there, but a matter of when.

So needless to say, it was 3 great days, falling asleep to the sound of the waves outside my window, watching the surf from the couch through the sliding glass doors, waking up to the scent of sea air, and seagulls eating from my hand on the back balcony.

Butnow, ever since we've been home, my mood is shit - I hate having to leave the beach. Coming "home" feels more like leaving home. It doesn't help any that our finances are crappy all of a sudden (thanks to MORE automotive issues (as in, we just replaced the damned computer in our car, on top of new tires, brakes, rotors, one wheel bearing hub assembly, and some other part I can't remember the name of) and guess what? Damn thing is still fucked up!) My power bill came in, $375! My water was turned off the other day (somehow, we seriously just forgot to pay the damn bill...?) which of course, cost us an extra $50. I semi-lost a client (didn't lose them exactly, but my hours will be severely cut) and I have another who tends not to pay me till 3 weeks after I invoice her. And Scott's been out of work since mid-December, so it's all on me to figure out how to make the ends meet.

I'm starting to stress out about it again. The money (or, the lack of it) has always been that one thing that could pry its way through my peace of mind and wreak havoc with my mental status. But what bothers me even more is that, somehow, I thought I'd found the "secret" to not getting stressed out about money. And the thing is, yeah, we've had a lot of shit go wrong and cost us money (have I mentioned that I'm going to have to refinish my cabinets, tear up my kitchen floor and lay new flooring!?) what I *should* be focusing on is the fact that so far, the money we've needed has been there to spend without putting us out on the street. I guess what I'm trying to say is that as much as the money side of tings is bugging me, what bugs me even more is the shift I feel in my psyche, the one that has me hovering in this fear-based sense of scarcity that is just a figment of my imagination.

Bah.

In other news, assumng the planets are perfectly aligned and I hold my mouth just right, there's some vaguely-reasonable chance that I may be moving to California in a year or so. How's that for a crazy possibility in the life of a silly redneck girl? It's a little like Beverly Hillbilly's, only without grandma strapped to the roof in her rocker.

Ethel's Tree of Life

I have a Facebook account, and on Facebook, you can find causes - charitable causes, for things like breast cancer and such, but also for smaller "grassroots" causes, startups created by someone, somewhere, who cares personally about a particular cause. That's how I found Ethel's Tree of Life.

Ethel's Tree of Life aims to provide transitional training in life and work skills for youth and young adults who live with disabilities and/or special needs.

A friend of mine "invited" me to this cause, and I joined without a second thought. And now I've pledged to raise $250 in the next month.

I'm doing this for Christine, my sister-in-law (Down's Syndrome), and Shelby, my best friend's daughter (Cerebral Palsy), and my little buddy Jacob (Aspergers), and Heather's son Keith (Autism), and Maddie (Autism) and Lisa's daughter (Dwarfism) and Steffany's son (Autism) and all the other kids and adults I know who have special needs and who deserve to have the most "normal" life they can get!

Not to mention for the two children I've lost to Congenital Heart Defects, who -had they lived- would have had both physical and developmental delays.

So, I pledged to raise $250. I donated $25. If I have to donate the other $225, I will, but I'd really appreciate it if some of you would get involved and donate too.

http://apps.facebook.com/causes/fundraising_pledges/46706/promote?m=515f2dbb

(this post will float at the top until March 12th