Saturday, February 14, 2009

On Vulnerability and Handicaps

So the bad news is that in the craziness that my eyes just experienced, my prescription changed by an entire point. They were -4.50, and -4.75. They are now both -5.50. Perfect vision = 20/20. My vision =20/2500.

We went to America's Best, cuz they have their special 2 for 69 special on glasses. I am disqualified from the special because my eyes are too bad to make the lenses strong enough with plastic.

So there we are in Rock Hill - Scott was getting new glasses too, so he got called back, and I ws left -all but blind- by myself. Now when I say "all but" I mean that I can't see the big A at the top of the eye chart. I see a gray smudge. No, not black, because it's too blurred to be black anymore. With large objects, like people and, oh, I dunno, architecture, I see only shapes, basic colors, and movement. Absolutely no detail. I can keep from knocking into walls, and that's about it. I don't think I've ever felt so vulnerable and ... intimidated. It was bad enough at home, where I knew who was around and where all the furniture was. Being in a crowded room full of strangers with no one to guide me was frightening.

I was forced to face the reality that some day, I am going to be perfectly, completely blind. That some day, I will be unable to fend for myself, unable to work or support myself, unable, really, to take care of myself, let alone anyone else. Humbling experience. I can honestly say, I dread getting old. Screw saggy tits, stretch marks and sciatica. I'm going to be handcapped, and it scares the fuck out of me.

The good news is, they had a pair of contacts in my prescription in stock, so now, I have new contacts and can see. All I have to do now is wait for my eyes to adjust to the new scrip. I go back next week - fully sighted, to do my follow up, and I'll order more. Y'all keep your fingers crossed nothing happens to these in the next 2 weeks!

1 comment:

  1. Would laser surgery help you? I am planning to get it for myself and my daughter, just holding off because of the cost. I worry that my daughter at age 16 is already at 4.50 and now she is driving and says her vision isn't good, so I have to get her eyes checked again, although it has been less than a year. My eyes are 3.50 so it's odd to me that her eyes are worse than mine. Sorry to go on about my problems, your post just has me thinking.
    I absolutely dread old age for a number of reasons too. Good luck with your script I hope your eyes adjust well to the new lens. Try not to worry, they keep improving eye surgery and lowering the cost. One day I hope we can all be 20/20.