Thursday, May 29, 2008

5/29: Day 4 "feeling sheepish"

5/29: Day 4 "feeling sheepish", 29 Day Giving Challenge -

Today I left a care package in the lady's room where I work... nothing big at all, a little heart shaped scented candle and a Gaurdian Angel lapel pin in a tiny little gift bag with the URL on the tag. I figured some random customer would find it and come out with it and a smile. There were, however, some things I didn't take time to consider or anticipate, such as the possibility that, at the end of my shift, it would still be there. Or the possibility that one of my co-workers would find it and ask if it was mine. DOH!

One of the girls on nightshift found it just as I was leaving and for some reason I felt like I'd been caught doing something naughty. What's up with that? I totally denied having any knowledge of said care package. So she asks me what she should do with it and I'm like, "Well, you found it, keep it!" (Not generally our policy on found items in the restaurant...) She smiled and said "I got a present today!" and I was ready to leave... and then she showed it to the other girl on duty tonight, and there was more discussion, and I pretended I knew nothing about it, again...

Then on the walk home, I'm in near-panic mode thinking that my co-workers were going to come to the URL and find out it was me... I even changed my profile picture, as if they aren't going to see "erin" on the front page and click on my profile, read my blogs, and know full well that it's me.

I guess the question is: WHY? Why was my gut reaction to deny that I am part of this movement/challenge? I've got to think through this one, because at first sight, it seems that I'm ashamed of being generous, but that's not it at all. It's hard to explain, but for some reason I get uncomfortable when people "admire" me - and I have gotten a lot of attention because of my AHA involvement and fundraising... I think I just want to remain anonymous with this whole thing (as far as people I see in my "real" life) and avoid what becomes an uncomfortable situation for me.

So: note to self: no more care packages at work. And if anyone I work with should happen to read this, please do me a favor, and don't bring it up, it'll make me blush and stutter.

As for what the rest of my family has done, I really have no idea yet, I'll update later.

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