Saturday, June 9, 2007

Decisions, Choices, and Consequences

In February we decided to open a mommies group. It's one of the best things I ever did... but it's also proven itself to be one of the most complicated and challenging things I've ever done. See when I decided to do this it was because I belonged to another group that made me feel like I was holding my breath all the time. Made me feel like I was making "friends" who didn't really know me and most likely wouldn't like me if they did know the real me. I didn't like pretending to be something I wasn't - it felt dishonest... and I didn't like feeling like so many of my "friends" weren't really friends at all. If there were people who were happy there, so be it,but I was not one of them, and I knew others felt the same.

So I have been accused of opening OMG to "escape my miserable life" or to "get revenge" or because I was pissed off. Contrary to popular belief, I did it because I needed to do it for myself, in order to feel like I was staying true to myself, because I stopped playing pretend when I was a little girl and if I was going to make friends, then I was going to make them in a place that made me feel like I could be honest enough with people to be able to let them meet the real (unorthodox, bisexual, give a damn) me. Love me or leave me, their choice.

But since I decided to open OMG, I've dealt with the backlash of my decision, as well as the backlash of others' perception of my motivation. Regardless, I still stayed true to myself and did my best not to buy into the surrounding controversy. I have not always been 100% successful, but I can honestly say I've tried, and that I've encouraged others to do the same.

So I made boards like The Confessional, Touchy Feely etc... because sex is a part of real life and we shouldn't have to pretend it isn't. And I also made it known that I was bisexual, because I figured if I did, others would feel that they could as well. And that's what I wanted, a place that encouraged people to feel comfortable being themselves.

Unfortunately, public opinion and "outside influences" have exerted some pressure on us and some people have manipulated things, and suddenly, we have the reputation of being "that sex board, you know, the one with all those lesbians and swingers!"

Funny thing is, all of us 'lesbians and swingers' have always been lesbians and swingers - we only got that reputation because we don't have to hide it on OurMommiesGroup. So if being honest about who we are and being accepting of others and their differences is going to result in us having a bad reputation, then so be it. Let people talk, but I don't regret creating this place, and I will never regret that we don't make people jump through hoops to become our friends.

And yes, at our recent Mom's Night In event, 2 women kissed... and somewhere in the world, 2 other women kissed, locked behind closed doors, feeling ashamed.

I am proud to be the owner of a group that allowed two women to feel like they didn't have to hide. I am proud to be part of a wonderful generous caring group of women that encourages acceptance ALL the time.

And if there is any shame involved it should be on the part of the people who believe that it's better to lie and hide than to be real. It should be on the part of the people who believe that judgement is preferable to honesty. It should be on the part of the people who just need to be intentionally hurtful.

So let them have their gossip and their lies... their games and manipulation and sneaking and scheming and badmouthing. I am bigger than that, I am more honest than that, and in the end, I am far too happy with who I am and the way I conduct myself to need to do any such thing.

I'll have no part of feeling badly based on what their small minds have concocted, because I have remained true to myself.


  1. *CLAPPING* I am and have always been so proud of you and so proud to have you as a friend. You are wonderful. Let those miserable wretches be damned. Stay true, E...You are loved because of it.

  2. Some people have to go get up in everyone else's business because they don't have a life of their own.

    Fuck 'em...


  3. Indeed.

    That's my girl. Standing up for what she believes. My god I'm proud of you. proud to know you. the world needs much more like you. that's for sure.

  4. How boring a world it would be if our lovely Erin was just like all the other mommies.

    By the way, I moved my blog to my own blog network.