Definition

I find that so many times, we claim that life has held us back, that our lack of success is a result of our surroundings, our environment – that someone else is to blame. Only we hold ourselves back, using situations as excuses for failure, reasons not to try. I do not try, I have not succeeded, and I have only myself to blame, because moving on feels guilty, and that guilt is only a self-imposed weight that I’d love to blame on someone else. The problem with that is, I claimed that guilt years ago, and made it my own.

Truthfully, I do not fear failure, perhaps failure is how I define myself, and seem content in that description. I hold it dear enough to be uncomfortable with someone else’s disagreement with it. I fear success, I don’t know how to do that, be that. I fear the pressure of always one-upping myself, out-doing what I’ve done to remain successful. The stress of it seems too daunting, too much like work. And so here I am, whatever that is, defined with the words of my own choosing, and I am content.
I think.