April Fool's '08

Ha! I didn't fall for ANYONE'S practical joke today.

Primarily because no one tried to put one over on me.

I started a new job today. I wasn't thrilled about going back to work to be honest, but you know, you do what you gotta do... but I got there, and 45 minutes into the shift, I go out to smoke with Karissa and Rick (The owner's son and his fiancee) and listen to 10 minutes of them ranting about the fact that anyone who isn't white and American born is trash, no good, nasty, useless and doesn't deserve to breathe. Not a great way to start out. I'm a little weird about bigotry, ignorance, racism and blatant stupidity. But I figure I didn't want to go back to work, and maybe I'm judging too harshly, you know? I should stop jumping to conclusions and give them a chance right?

I mean, it's part time night work running a register and delivering food, not a lifelong career...

Did I say night shift? Yes, I MUST have said night shift, because I don't have a sitter for days... except that I work DAY SHIFT Thursday through Monday!?!?!?!

*sigh*

So, whatever. I'll see how it goes.

Tonight my goal is to send AHA donation requests to all the teachers at Kassi and Brendon's schools. So I better stop yacking and start emailing!

I remember when...

I remember when I was a blogspot blogger through and through. Then I lost a(nother) kid, raised some money, had a short lived media blitz, stopped writing poetry and opened a Mommies Group. Somewhere amid all that chaos, I lost my mind and did what I thought at the time constituted "moving on."

Moving on isn't always all it's cracked up to be.

Since then I've managed to see my oldest turn 18 and move out, my oldest daughter become a hormonal teenager, put my youngest son into gifted classes, and raised my youngest child to the ripe old age of 4 1/2... she starts kindergarten in the Fall... if I don't decide to homeschool her that is. I'm leaning towards homeschooling, despite all the begging she does to ride the school bus.

Let's see what else? My estranged father died, just after Nova did, but I didn't find that out until a few months ago. I found his oldest daughter, my half sister. Well, actually, she found me but that's a long story I choose not to share at the moment.

We've moved out of the house we rented for 5 1/2 years. Been in the new place for a couple months now... funny part is that my mother moved in with me in the old house 4 years ago, but when we moved out, she didn't. She's still there at the old place with my long lost half sister, my oldest son, and *my* garden. I won't deny that there are some hard feelings there, or that I miss my garden. It was a magical spot, my magical spot, the place I created, my therapy, where I spent time concentrating on life when I was lost in death... And I ran off and abandoned it. Yet another plot of dirt I won't visit.

I had a job, managing a small family owned coffee shop. Loved the job. The boss? Not so much. Unfortunately, I didn't learn what a hateful bitch she is until after I chose to move into THIS house, for the sake of that job, because it's within walking distance... convenient since I don't drive huh?

So much for that.

I've learned a few lessons in humman psychology since I left here too. Mainly that I am not the kind of girl who bonds well. That I'm not well suited to dealing with certain types of women - one of whom was my "partner" in the Mommies group. She showed her ass and left though, so there are silver linings right?

So now I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life... I've never reached this point before, when my youngest is going off to school (or, at the very least, has reached a completely new level of independence) in the absence of pregnancy or a new baby. What now?

No clue. For now I'm content to sit around and ponder about it without actually *doing* anything. Whatever.

I'm on year #3 of joining the AHA Heart Walk. Team Nova 2008. I've raised $50. My goal is $5000. I don't see me making it. I'm up to my eyeballs with the new house, the group, work, life, being a wife and mother.

I had another mother contact me recently, another heart mom with 2 heart kids. Hers were happier stories than mine... Anyway, she said that she read somewhere that there were only 7 recorded cases of a mother with multiple children with severe heart defects since 1980. 7 unlucky couples, she and I being 2 of those 7. Boy do I have a way with beating the odds eh? ;)

Anyway, my point in raising money for the AHA was because I want to help with researching families like mine, families who've lost children to CHD who have been told that there are some "unknown, unexplained" genetic reasons for the CHDs their children were born with. But all the money in the world won't make it possible to research something that happens 7 times in 28 years. There just aren't enough people to study... I mean really, what's that, 14 kids, and at least 2 of them are dead... not much of a pool to build a medical research project on. Not enough participants to even come out with remotely valid results.

Well now, that was a tangent I didn't mean to go off on.

Anyway. I'm on Myspace way more than I am blogspot now. I miss blogger. OK, I miss having my shit together like I did when I was here all the time. And there's no going back. Now, well, things are different now. Not better or worse, just different.

Wanna read more pointless ramblings of an insane mind? http://www.myspace.com/poeticacceptancex2

First Donation!

Thank you Krystal and Brayden!

Team Nova 2008!

I was recently approached by someone I know... she runs a local organization and is looking for charities to work with for their next fiscal year... she asked me if Team Nova would be interested and wanted some more information about what Team Nova is and what we do.

Team Nova has taken on a bit of a life of it's own, which is pretty encouraging. Truthfully, we're no different or better than any other group that signs up with the American Heart Association's Heart Walk. But it's so important to us that I guess I tend to talk it up as if it's more than just another team. He was my son after all, I guess it's easy for me to feel as though it's bigger and more important, ya know?

Then today, I received a comment on Nova's Heart, and a Friend Request here on Myspace from a mother who lost her son last month. Landyn lived 2 months, and passed away the day after Nova's birthday. His mother Megan has just begun the journey - Just 6 weeks in... I'm sending her my thoughts and warmest wishes.

Anyway, because of these things, I was reminded that the old page was down because the 2007 fundraising event was over. But they usually start it back up for the new year in January, so today I went to see if they were accepting team sign ups yet. They are, and I signed up - set the team goal at $10,000, and despite the craziness in my life at the moment, I'm setting off to solicit donations and support again.

$10,000 is a pretty lofty goal, but I honestly think we can do it, because I'm dedicated to it. Because it's important to us and more important still to parents who will continue to face the devastation of Congenital Heart Defects until we raise the funds and awareness to do the research needed to understand and prevent them.

Want to support Team Nova? We'd appreciate your support.
  Click here to learn more and donate online, or print off a donation form and donate by mail!

Poetry!?

Unnoticed
© 2007 Erin Monahan


Summer passed without the fireflies
and mostly without campfires too.

There seemed to be only fire ants and sweat
and a few gatherings with friends --
some of whom have since moved on, like hope
for thunderstorms on unbearable August evenings.

Now Autumn stands at the edge of the yard,
hands held behind its back, shyly kicking at the dust
like the new boy who isn't quite welcome
at the neighborhood Labor Day parade.

And I wish I could run to him, laughing
and pull him onto the back of my bicycle and ride off,
playing cards snapping in the spokes,
let our hair blow back into July afternoons,
back to roasted marshmallows, and watermelon
that dripped, unnoticed, onto our shirts.



Unheard
© 2007 Erin Monahan

There's a mockingbird in the dogwood,
and a mourning dove on the wire. Neither
takes notice of the other. So it is.

It's October,

and yet, ninety degrees in the pumpkin field,
where seeds are splayed from the hulls of the dead.

They've come to feast on gnats,
and pay no mind to the music...

Team Nova 2007 Kicks Off for real

This post will float until the 2007 Heartwalk on September 15th. Look below for new posts

Team Nova 2007 has had a slow start this year, but I'm hoping that's abut to change. I've finally had the meeting with the AHA Rep. Her name is Brenda (Laurie from last year is blissfully married and left the AHA to enjoy being a family :) Congrats Laurie! I'll miss you!)... and meeting with the Rep is always a bit of a kick in the pants. I can't believe how fast this year is flying by! We're halfway through June already! September 15th will be here before I know it!

So far, I've personally raised $650... a far cry from my $5000 goal! But Ang has joined Team Nova from Indianapolis and raised $300 (as well as creating her own team, for which she's raised another $300! Amazing!)

And Gretchen, dealing with her own child's medical issues, is running a yarn raffle again this year, and has raised $1270 $1300 for Team Nova! Gretchen is such a wonderful woman... Not just because she's such a avid supporter of Team Nova, I mean, she was going to work out an agreement to arrange the marriage of her 7th child Lydia to my 7th child Nova... without ever even meeting me! (Cuz that's what's important ya know, knowing the other inlaws... LOL) I still maintain that they'd have been a beautiful couple!
Lydia

Nova

So, in all actuality, the running total for Team Nova 2007 is $2275... Just $2725 short of the goal! And only 3 months to make up the difference!

So I'm going locally, to businesses, to ask for donations, I'm planning a raffle of my own as well. And I'm hoping that, when the new school year begins, the childrens' schools will support us again the way Kassi's supported Team Nova 2006!

And yes, you guessed it, I'm going to start at it here as well. ;)

So, want to help me squelch this sinking feeling that I'll never meet my goal?

You can help by donating to Team Nova 2007 via the American heart Association's Web Site.(Don't forget to check the Matching Donations list to see if your company is one that matches charitable donations! If they are, your donation could be doubled by your employer! There are 185 pages of companies that match donations, so there's a good chance yours does!

Or you can snail mail a check, made out to The American Heart Association of Charlotte NC, and mail it to me at
Erin Monahan
2509 Old Charlotte Hwy
Monroe NC 28110
And I will forward it with my other cash donations to our AHA representative, to be added to our Team Nova donations amount.

Still trying to get ahold of a Wii?

Go here :)

http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZerinm704

 

Less

than a day left on them :)

Raffle for Team Nova by my friend Trish :)

Trish is going to raffle off a hand made afghan (that I will make after the raffle in colors of your choice) The money made will go to the AHA for team Nova. It will be one entry for $3.00 or 2 for $5.00 go to paypal.com and send the money to erin@poeticacceptance.com and be sure to put "afghan raffle" in the note space. The raffle will run until Sept 7th.


Here is the afghan design I will be using........




Congenital heart defects are the #1 birth defect. In the US alone, over 40,000 babies are born each year with a congenital heart defect. That translates to 1 out of every 100 births.

(To put those numbers into perspective, only 1 in every 800 to 1,000 babies is born with Downs Syndrome.)

Nearly 4000 of the 40,000 born of those with a congenital heart defect will die. That makes Congenital Heart Defects the leading cause of defect related death in children.

Even though Congenital Heart Defects are the most common birth defect, they remain the most unheard of. Without raising awareness, the advances we're hoping for won't be available. Funding for childhood cancer research is five times higher than that of CHD research, although twice as many babies die from CHD's.

And yet, most people have never even heard of Congenital Heart Defects unless their child or another family member is diagnosed with it. Two of my children were diagnosed, and died, of CHD.

Donate to Team Nova (American Heart Association/Heart Walk 2007 - Charlotte NC) Today and help us help other parents. Or, if you can't donate, please repost this.

random stuff

I got a card from the nurses in CVRU yesterday evening. No, it isn't his birthday, or the anniverssary of his death, or anything at all. It was truly just because... just because they're awesome. It made me cry. In a good way :)

I pre-register for my GED tests in the morning. Just a month and 10 days before I can actually take the dang tests.

I'm still waiting for the lightbulb to come on over my head... you know, the one that says, "Ohhhhhh, THAT'S what I wanna be when I grow up!" I did put in an application last night with CMC-Union though. Sure, it'll be me sweeping floors on night shift, but you know what? It's a start. Well, it would be if they'd hire me without a GED, which they won't.

First, I want to say: I'm really journaling about all this to keep myself motivated, and to have a written accounting to look back on, in case I want to see how I was doing in which subjects at any particular point. I'm sure you guys are sick of reading it! Sorry!

So I took all the real pretests in class tonight. (Well, I took Reading last week, Science, Social Studies, Math and Writing tonight.) All my scores were high enough to qualify for taking the actual GED testing. Unfortunately I have to have 12 hours in class before I can register for that. So I've done everything I can/was supposed to do, and finished it in 9 hours. I still - in order to ensure that I get credit for the 12 hours so I can take the dang final test - have to sit in class Thursday night, for another 3 hours, doing nothing.

THEN, on Aug. 2nd I PRE-register for the GED tests (wtf is their fascination with those three letters? PRE... pretests, more pretests, then a post test, then... a GED pretest, then, pre-registration... *sigh* I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere cuz I'm still in the "pre" stage!)

And then sometime after 8/21, I'll actually get to take the GED tests. I have to wait WEEEEKS for something I had pretty much finished in 9 hours.

Have I mentioned that patience is not my strong suit?

So anyway - actual in-class pretest scores, which DO count (and must be a 500 or more to qualify for pre-registration) are as follows:

Math: 520 (yeah... not the greatest, but on the GED test, I can score as low as a 410, so I'm safe.)

Social Studies: 610 (Carla made a 750! YOU GO GIRL!)

Science: 680

Reading: 690 (I'm actually disappointed with this score... I can do better.)

Writing:  I took the multiple choice part, and the actual score is impossible to calculate because of the essay that we don't write/get scored in class, but at this point, with just the score from the multiple choice portion, Mr. Johnson said even if I score the lowest possible score on the essay part, I still meet the 500 point requirement. Thank you Mrs. Myra Helms for being the most awesome senior English-Lit teacher ever! (For those who make fun of my spelling/grammar issue... Ha! See, it does serve a purpose!)

Now if only I had a dollar for every point I scored on my tests, my life might not fall apart. I can't wait till the end of August to take the real thing!

Want to hear something funny? Obviously, I never graduated high school. Class of '89 walked without me. That never bothered me - the 'not walking' part anyway. But when Carla and I finish these classes and actually have our GEDs, we get to walk in the SPCC GED graduation ceremony in May 2008. I didn't think that would be that big of a deal to me, but I'm kind of excited at the idea.