Thursday, August 9, 2012

I bounce, all day. I bounce between people calling my name and tasks that demand my attention. Children, co-workers, customers, friends, tables, dishes, paperwork, administrative work at my job, telephone calls, text messages, chores, kids, bills, ... and any time I'm doing one thing, someone is calling my name about something else, and my brain is running through the list of other tasks I still have to do. My mental checklist is NEVER finished, and I never feel like anyone is satisfied, I never do enough, I never finish.

I sometimes find myself wishing I was still a stay at home mom. That's easy. I'd have house work done before the kids ate lunch, on school days I'd have hours to relax or do things I *wanted* to do. Yes, we had less money and less 'stuff' - and less stress, and more sleep.

I'm tired.

I am 40 and I'm ready to retire. 9 more years till my youngest is 18, and I'll never be able to retire. I will work like this until I die. That is my worst fear: never being able to ever just relax.

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