I got an email yesterday from Shaela. She apologized for all the past crap and offered to make things right by sending me the books I'd ordered before. Actually, she'd already corrected some mistakes in them and asked if I was still interested in them because she was expecting the proofs, and wanted to fill the order I'd made.
As for past crap, I don't have the energy to dwell on it. I have much more pressing things to dwell on. And the books, well, why not? I mean, the worst that can happen is that I never get them, and that's pretty much where I was before I got her mail, so it isn't like I have anything to lose right?
So, I might have more chapbooks in stock soon. I hope I do - the whole fiasco broke my heart. I know the chapbook is far from great, because I had no idea what I was doing to be honest. But it meant a lot to me anyway, and to have it all go to shit the way it did just hurt my feelings. Yeah, I know, I should be able to be more objective and detached from my work, but I haven't been able to manage that very well with Poetic Acceptance.
6 months ago, I'd have said something silly like "I love it like one of my children!" which sounds pretty silly now, but it did have a special place in my heart. Probably the only thing, aside from my children, that I've ever really accomplished. I'd like to think that it could at least fade into nothingness like most chapbooks do, rather than ending the way it did.
Anyway, I'm a little wary, mostly in self-defense lol. Just don't want to get hurt again. Ha, now I sound like a jilted lover. Shut up Erin...
Make sure that your acceptance of these books does not somehow create a new contract of any kind. The last thing you need right now is her saying: I sent you the books, where's my cut of the sales? I think you're wise to be wary, Erin. Very wary.
ReplyDeleteI second Erin on the caution part. I can't imagine what might be on her mind to make her offer such a thing, but anyone that can conduct business in such an unprofessional manner scares me.
ReplyDeleteHow about creating some sort of disclaimer of your own that states that you'll accept the books on the condition that it terminates any sort of further or future obligations between the two of you?
Either way, I wish you luck.
Erin:
ReplyDeleteWow...I left the internet in so much mess. I was worried more about me going through my own personal problem. I do have the books they are sitting on my coffee table. I remember when I first got the grant. How happy you were. I published over 20 people, and they keep coming. I must say that I over extended myself. I thought I could handle both worlds. I never thought I would lose your friendship. Your words and kindness meant the world to me. I apologize for so many issues. I don't know Angela, I know she is your friend. I smiled when she said the disclaimer thing only because, you have always been free to go when ever you wanted. I am so sorry that mishandled your books and our friendship. When I put your son our prayer list for all the authors to pray for you and their churches. I know that miracles do happen. I can't wait tell you see your books, I got to be so much better with my layout and design. I am growing. I am woman of my word, I may have been a little warped from the rape and losing my daughter. But I am back and my commitment to you meant so much, it ate away at my spirit until I wrote you with my news. I know you won't ever accept my friendship, you probably hate me, I understand. I leave my apology on your doorstep and you can chose to accept it. Thank you.
E~
ReplyDeleteActually it would be the fulfillment of the original contract. If it were a case of starting anything new, I'd have definitely said no. I just can't even comprehend starting anything right now. She only got a 'cut' as such from the books sold through her site. I'm assuming she makes some profit from my order, but there's no percentage of sales due to her from sales I make of books I've already paid her for.
Ang~
By definition, to order/receive these books negates any further obligation either of us have/had to the other. But leaves me in a position to order more, should I want to.
I love you both for being concerned. I AM wary, and will be more on my toes, but I've got nothing to lose so I may as well do it.
As for the events in Shaela's life - There seems to be much web-wide controversy about the validity of her claims. I don't have any way of proving or disproving them. My thought process is this:
I have always tried to take the high road when faced with unpleasant situations, sometimes even to my own detriment. In this case, I see it like this -
1. It may be true, it may not - that really isn't what I'm worried about.
2. Even if it isn't true, everyone deserves a second chance
3. I'm not losing anything by doing it, so why not give her the chance if I can.
If I don't get the books I've lost nothing more than what I'd already lost.
If I do get the books, then I don't have the contractual obligation hanging over my head, I have books to sell, and I've managed to exit the contract respectfully and without being dishonest or unethical - all the ends will be tied up and I won't worry about the whole thing anymore, because I've done the right thing.
Shaela~
I feel awkward discussing your situation in a public forum, and have refrained from discussing details. I won't change that philosophy now. All I'm going to say is that I wish you'd have been more upfront and honest throughout the problems.
The validity of your story isn't my concern, frankly. I just wish that -if you valued my friendship the way you claim to have- you'd have treated me as a friend and trusted that I'd have understood if you'd have contacted me and said simply, "I'm in a position where I need you to be patient, and I can't tell you when I'll be able to get back to your project." Rather than making promises that you didn't/couldn't keep. THAT is what bothered me the most. THAT dishonesty, not the possibility of others, is what upset me most. And THAT is what makes me wary.
I won't pretend that I'm going to go back to considering us "friends" but I DO want to offer the chance to make it right, and be able to move forward without hard feelings or grudges.
I've had things come up, my life seems to fall apart every few years, I'm fully aware of the fact that 'shit happens' and have always been appreciative of people who allowed me to make right the things that went wrong (by my own volition or by the actions of others) when my life has gone to shit. I'm willing to return the favor, even while knowing that I may not be met with the outcome I desire.
Sort of a "fuck me once, shame on you, fuck me twice, shame on me" situation.
I'm prepared to take the chance at looking like a gullible ass, even if all I gain is the sense of satisfaction in the knowledge that I did everything I could to do right.
And that, Erin, is what makes you a better person than I'll ever be.
ReplyDeletelol, well, I'm really hoping that I'm NOT left looking like a gullible ass.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to getting the books Shaela, and I'm very glad that you contacted me, and that apparently, your real life has settled enough to get back to books - mine or other people's.
ReplyDeleteAs for the public conversation: I brought the contract and my problem into the public. I don't deny that. All I meant was that it wasn't my place to bring private details of your personal life into the world. They're your details to keep private or discuss openly. I have no right to make that decision.
My entire point of replying to the comments above was simply to say that I had made the choice to try to bring our business relationship back into the realm of 'proper' and 'ethical' and get out from under the negative feelings that formed. I dislike having this sort of unpleasnat residue, and I just want to clear it up for both of us.
You took the initiative to do that, and I feel like I should accept, for both our sakes. Call it a double karma cleansing or something, I don't know. All I know is that I don't like the way I feel about how things went, and I want to 'fix' it. If I get the books too, well then, all the better.
I didn't post to 'start shit' I posted to make it known that there might be a resolution and a happy ending in sight.
He is beautiful isn't he? Someone else said that to me yesterday, and then recanted, because "boys shouldn't be called beautiful." Ha! I walk in and imediately say "Hi beautiful!" every day.
ReplyDeleteI thank you for the prayers. Nova needs all he can get right now, and I'm always glad to know that people are keeping him in their thoughts.