Maybe

I hurt my foot. I don't know how I hurt it, I just know it hurts, like I dropped something on it, only I didn't. *shrugs*

I made gyros for dinner. (That's pronounced yee-row or gyee-row (hardish g in the back of your throat) depending on the dialect of the Greek that's cooking - but NOT ever pronounced jy-row, OK, please? For the love of all food Greek!?) They were so so so good. There is an art to tzatziki sauce, and I'm not telling it. Don't even ask.

It's been a couple of years since I had a gyro, since I was working at The (now non-existent)Southern Times Restaurant. It made me think about work, realize how much I miss working, dealing with people, having my own money, getting out of the house... I do miss Southern Times, and Kay, god she was a nut. I loved her. We swore we'd keep in contact, but we never did. The last time I spoke to her was the day the restaurant closed, the day Terra fractured her skull.

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yeah, missing work. I do miss working. At least, part of me does. I don't miss the aching feet, the sore back, the rude customers, the asshole Greeks I always managed to work for. I don't miss the 14 hour shifts or the tables that didn't leave a tip.

But I do miss the atmosphere of a restaurant, the kick ass adrenaline rush that sets in on say, Friday night at 6 o'clock, or Sunday afternoon around 1 o'clock, but mostly I think I miss feeling productive. I find that my sense of self-esteem begins to plummet when I'm out of work, and after 2 years of being unemployed, well yeah, I don't think I know who I am much anymore.

Oh, I know that isn't completely due to the fact that I've been out of work, I know a lot of it is the blow my self-esteem took from losing Nova. Same thing happened after Alexis. It's just part of the deal I guess. I don't really know how to explain it, I just know it happens.

So I've been mentally tossing around the idea of going back to work. I just don't know if I'm ready. I know I'll love the work, but I also know that waitressing entails dealing with families, and families often come with babies, and I remember what that was like after Alexis.

Maybe I'll try some part time night work doing something else. I'll bet I could get on at Wal-Mart or something like that. Maybe not Wal-Mart. Wow, what the hell was I thinking when I typed that? Anyway, you get the picture - something with less direct-with-other-people's-babies type of duties. We'll see, but it isn't like I'm going out tomorrow to start putting in any applications. Maybe next Tuesday. I have Maddie Wednesday, then the appointment with Dr Watts on Thursday morning, then one with the geneticist the following Monday. Maybe after all of that.