There has been so much death this spring. There are so many just in the circle of blogs I surf, that I've got to use 2 hands to count them all.
Maybe God, or Nature or whatever, believes that the buds and blooms and colors and sunshine will assuage the pain - paint it over, like white-washing a dirty fence.
It isn't really working for me, dunno about the rest of you. But it has managed continually remind me to remember what's important, to appreciate every minute of every day, to make the most of life, whatever your situation may be. I want to learn to embrace things in a way I've never managed to before - at the risk of sounding horribly cliche, I want to live life to the fullest.
I am, in some ways, trying to re-order my priorities. I go outside and play with the kids more, get angry less, and understand that every opportunity I pass up may have been something unexpected and wonderful - even if it was something I was dreading (like talking to the new neighbor-lady yesterday - she's an odd bird, and I have been avoiding even looking in that direction, but seeing the smile on her face when I walked up to her and started just chit-chatting, well, I was glad I decided to go over.) I'm feeling more philosophical, like every damn thing is significant. I find myself wishing my life were video taped 24/7 lest I miss some sweet amazing thing one of the kids might say or do.
I want to hug everyone and let them know they count, that in the unknown scheme of life, they are important. I feel oddly connected - to people I once didn't connect with at all, and even to people I don't know. There is something bigger, something greater - and I'm a part of it.
If only I could understand how, or why...
We had another loss on Easter this year. Bill's sister's dog passed away after surviving two years with cancer throughout his entire body. Many of us saw him the previous day. We pretty much got to say goodbye since we knew he wouldn't be with us long. We never expected him to die the next afternoon.
ReplyDeletebtw, mom's fine
This kind of openess is true spirituality. It is called "tathata" in Sanskrit. It means suchness or thatness. Below is a translation of a very early tibetan text. I think it relates to your comments.
ReplyDeleteThe nature of multiplicity is nondual
and things in themselves are pure and simple;
being here and now is thought-free
and it shines out in all forms, always all good;
it is already perfect, so the striving sickness is avoided
and spontaneity is constantly present.
Well, my dear...I think we have accidentally found the meaning of life. *hug* I understand completely what you say and why you are doing it. It's amazing, isn't it? So much beauty in the face of sorrow...yes, another cliche', but who cares. We are all wonderful creatures that are trying to make the world better than before me came. Love you, E.
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