It's all coming back to me now

The three hour trip back from Cherry Grove/Myrtle Beach seemed longer than the 13 hour drive back from Troy because I was leaving the place I love most on this earth.

The weather was great Friday (we arrived about 1:30) but Saturday and Sunday were only in the mid 60's with lots of wind. Like, 30mph sustained wind. Ever been out on a long ass pier in wind like that? MAN it was chilly. We wore sweatshirts most of the time, and actually had to turn the heat on this morning.

We spent a lot of time out on the beach though, and the kids actually went in the water on Friday and Saturday - crazy fools. They had fun though, even though they were purple, with chattering teeth, and covered with goosebumps. We all came home with red noses and sand in our pants.

Today after we checked out of the house we went out on the beach for a few hours before heading home and had a real blast looking for shells and building sandcastles. We had crackers in the van, and there was this one seagull Kassi was trying to 'pet.' I sent Kory to get the crackers and we ended up with about 100 seagulls fighting for crackers. We finally got them comfortable enough to eat out of our hands. Scott took several pictures of it, I hope they come out when we have them developed. (Remember, the digital is screwed and won't take outdoor pics, so we're back to FILM for god's sake.) The best part was when Kory got peed on, seriously. OK, he thinks it was pee, but birds don't pee do they? I think it was water off the bird's beak, but we haven't told him any different ;)

However the pictures turn out, I have to say it was my favorite part of the whole weekend. But, when I post the pictures you guys have to remember that the wind was blowing at 30 mph, and not make any wise cracks about our hair. Next time we go, I'm shaving my head and wearing a ball cap, I swear!

The house was about a block off the ocean, and at night, after the kids went to bed, you could sit on the balcony and listen to the waves crash. So we sat out there, drinking coffee, staring at the stars, being very quiet, and listening to the waves crash in the distance. That was pretty damn nice too.

I had hoped to go out to the beach in the evenings, by myself and do some writing, but there just wasn't time for it. That's ok though, I wrote some, in my head, the whole time we were there, so I'm sure I'll have something to post soon.

It was good, I managed not to cry the whole time, though I have to admit that I had my moments. The worst of it was coming home. Driving back into Monroe. I guess some part of me hoped that it would all be "better" when we got home, but it's all still here. Silly really, it was there too, it's not like you can just leave it somewhere and wait for it to go away.

I thought a lot about that concept while we were there, trying to decide if I'd even want it to go away if I had the choice. I think I'd keep it, hold on to the grief. As much as it hurts, to wish it away would be like wishing I'd never had him, denying how much he meant to me.

It wouldn't seem fair to do that, not in my head anyway.