December 30th, 2008

I just wanted to use the date as my title because I have so little time left to write or type "2008."

I'm fascinated with my perception of time, how fast it goes by, and my gut reaction to the passage of time. I find myself feeling so stressed lately. There's just not enough time. Not enough time to get my work done, not enough time to get my house clean, not enough time to play with my kids - but even in the bigger picture, I've suddenly been feeling like the WORLD is rushing by, not just time, but everything in my life. My kids seem to be getting older and more mature at an unbelievable rate. My 2 oldest sons have moved out and are embarking into their own lives, my oldest daughter is becomeing such a beautiful, funny, compassionate young lady, Brendon changes every day - he's more outgoing, more confident, more 11-yr-old-boyish. Even my baby is becoming some amazing little person complete with a sense of humor, an attitude, and an hysterical personality.

I am running out of time with them, it will be just a flash and they'll be all grown up. Part of me feels like I'm rushing by the seat of my pants into a new and exciting future, and part of me feels like I am rushing through life without the time I need to soak it all up, to do right by them...

Maybe it's the new business (that I haven't been able to keep up with over the last two weeks) or maybe it's some strange emotional/mental manifestation of early-onset empty nest syndrom, or maybe it's as simple as realizing that it is about to be a whole new year again...

But on Christmas day, all of a sudden, it ocurred to me that on January 9th, it will be 17 years since Scott and I first met. 17 years! I remember, when I was younger, not being able to imagine being with a person more than a few weeks. I remember knowing in my first marriage that 3 years was much much too long. I remember my mother telling me that she and my father were together for 16 before he left, and marveling at the idea of SIXTEEN YEARS. I have now been with Scott longer than my parents were together, I have outlasted most of the marriages and relationships of most of my friends and family. I have long since passed the halfway point to our silver anniversary, just a single breath it seems from our 20th anniversary. We have been together a lifetime, and yet I feel like it's been just the blink of an eye, and I think to myself, "another blink like that and, if we're lucky, we'll really have an empty nest. Another blonk like that and all my children will be adults, marveling at the passage of time and how quickly their children become little people with driver's permits...